


Grand Inspiration

by fallbutwhatifyoufly, Suzariah



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Coach Victor Nikiforov, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-04 02:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14010045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallbutwhatifyoufly/pseuds/fallbutwhatifyoufly, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzariah/pseuds/Suzariah
Summary: It’s heartbreaking. Yuuri’s chest aches to go over and comfort him, but he knows that would be weird. Yuuri knows Viktor, but Viktor doesn’t know Yuuri. Surely Viktor wouldn’t want some random stranger interrupting what seems like a very private moment.After Viktor’s tenth lap Yuuri can’t stand to watch and do nothing anymore. But he also can’t stomach the idea of confronting Viktor. So with a heavy heart, Yuuri quietly backs into the stairwell.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is me and Suzariah's first joint fic! We are really good friends in real life, and had so much fun writing this! We hope you enjoy this as much as we do! Also beta'd by greenk, who is unbelievably lovely! :)

His hands sweat as he wheels his suitcase inside the lobby. The hotel is ornate, as would be expected of any hotel hosting someone like Viktor Nikiforov. He’s momentarily thankful for his lack of international fame, as the hotel lobby is crawling with press. Yuuri deliberately steers from the mass occupying the center of the lobby, where the constant camera flashes indicate the press has found their prey. 

He glances over, keeping his head down and mask in place. The flash of silver hair shakes him from his exhaustion immediately. He nearly stumbles over his suitcase as his head snaps around to focus in on that silver hair. 

Viktor Nikiforov is so beautiful it’s heartbreaking. If Yuuri thought his hands were sweaty before, now he swears if he wasn’t clenching his luggage so hard his gloves would slip right off. 

This is the first time he’s seen Viktor in person. He certainly doesn’t disappoint. His hair is perfect, he stands tall and confident, and he absolutely commands the crowd with nothing but a few gestures. Yuuri watches him tease the press with a small hair flip as he pulls off his sunglasses to say something. Yuuri hadn’t even noticed that he moved closer to the edge of the crowd, straining to hear what Viktor was saying. Yuuri can’t make it out from afar, but the reporters are making quiet comments to each other in Russian, so Yuuri assumes Viktor is enjoying the freedom that comes with speaking in his mother tongue. 

He feels his face heat the longer he stands there, excitement and nervousness boiling just under his skin. Viktor seems so confident and relaxed even with the short program only one day away. Remembering the competition, Yuuri feels his heart sink. 

_You don’t deserve to walk in the same country Viktor has stepped in, let alone skate well enough to be acknowledged by him._

He takes one last glance before making his way to the elevators. 

****

The next day passes pretty quickly. It mainly consisted of Celestino ushering him from interview to interview in between practice. The only good thing about the day being taken up by press conferences and skating is that it leaves him exhausted with little time to panic. Not to mention the effects of jet lag still weighing on him. By the time Yuuri and Celestino stumble back to the hotel at the end of the day, Yuuri actually feels like he might be able to rest. 

“Don’t stay up all night with Phichit,” Celestino says as he walks Yuuri to his room. “You need your rest.”

Yuuri blushes and bows his head in acknowledgement. His coach knows him too well. It’s true he does tend seek comfort in his best friend the night before competitions… and just in general. It’s nearly a habit that he contacts Phichit. Before competitions, his best friend has always served as his rock.

“I’m actually feeling pretty good,” Yuuri says, fiddling with his hands. He feels calm now, comforted by the act of mentally running through his short program. It’s a near constant routine, but he worries his anxiety will return in the privacy of his bedroom. 

Celestino gives him a concerned look when he thinks Yuuri isn’t watching. Yuuri can’t blame him for not quite believing him. He feels ashamed of all the panic attacks Celestino has pulled him out of to get him on the ice. Celestino always tells him not to apologize, that it’s his pleasure to help Yuuri become a stronger skater _and_ person… but still. It’s hard to let people see his vulnerability. 

“Really, I think i’m going to fall right asleep,” Yuuri says with the most reassuring smile he can manage, not quite knowing if he _will_ be okay. Thankfully, Celestino lets it slide and gives him a few more words of encouragement at Yuuri’s door. He leaves him with a pat on the shoulder and a tired smile. 

After a quick shower, Yuuri pulls on his most comforting pajamas and falls into bed. His eyes and body feel heavy, but he did promise to keep everyone posted. 

First he opens his messaging app to let Phichit know he’s okay. Yuuri snorts when he sees that all day Phichit had been randomly sending Yuuri cheesy motivational quotes. _‘You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow,’_ is the most recent message. 

Yuuri laughs before typing out a quick reply.

**Did you find that one in a fortune cookie?**

It only takes seconds for Phichit’s reply.

 **‘It takes more muscles to frown that it does to smile.’ ;)** Yuuri actually throws his head back and groans. **You kno you <3 me! How u doing? Want to watch some of your bf’s skating vids before bed?**

Yuuri ignores the jab at his minor crush on Viktor, and smiles softly down at his phone. Phichit knows Viktor’s skating videos by heart purely because of Yuuri’s anxiety marathons. 

**No I’m actually okay tonight. Practice went well, and I don’t think I completely embarrassed myself during the interview portions. Not to mention I’m ready to pass out.**

**I watched thm, and u did gr8! Stop being so hard on urself! Ur gonna give Vik a run for his $!!! If u need me through the night, or tomorrow morn pls let me kno!! U GOT THIS!**

Yuuri blushes and hides his face with one of his hands as his smile grows. 

**You need your sleep too! ...But I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you Phichit.**

**‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’**

**Phichit…**

****

Yuuri can’t say he feels completely rested after waking up quite a few times through the night, but going to bed early helped him make up some of the time he spent awake. In any case, last night was much better than he anticipated. 

That being said, sleep or no sleep, he needed his morning tea. So after pulling himself together he shuffles down to get breakfast in the hotel dining hall. He would come back up after breakfast to actually get ready and meet with Celestino.

Yawning, Yuuri walks through the cosy dining hall, going straight for the tea and coffee stand. As expected their options are limited, but after moving to America, Yuuri learned not to be so picky. _Tea is tea_ Yuuri reminds himself while stirring in a little lemon and sugar lazily. 

“Move pig!” A voice roars behind him. Yuuri starts as he whips his head around. Hot tea goes rushing onto the hotel’s white table cloth, splashing Yuuri’s hands on the way. Yuuri feels a blush spreading bright red over his face as his eyes follow the Russian jacket that just bulldozed into him. Yuuri pales at the glare in Yuri Plisetsky’s eyes. Yuri… supposedly the next big star coming in from the juniors. He was certainly abrasive if nothing else. 

“Ah! I’m sorry!” Yuuri fumbles for napkins to clean up the table.

“Whatever,” Yuri scoffs, moving to ignore him and put together his own cup. Yuuri’s hands burn slightly from the hot tea as he bunches together the used napkins to throw away. 

“Yuri!”

Yuuri glances up on reflex, only to see the source is Viktor Nikiforov himself. Immediately he ducks his head and feels his face grow redder, hoping Viktor won’t notice what a mess he is. His mind races, and his heart pounds as he thinks about what Viktor could want to talk to him about. It’s hard to focus on possible topics when blood is pounding too quickly though your body though. _Viktor Nikiforov_ is calling to me! 

“Leave me alone already,” Yuri grunts beside him, but starts stomping towards Viktor anyways.

_Oh. Viktor wasn’t calling to me._

As panicked as he was, he can’t help feeling disappointed. Not to mention he almost responded to Viktor. How embarrassing.

Even with the disappointment still weighing him down, Yuuri can’t help but look back up to stare at Viktor. It’s not every day your idol is in the same room as you.

Viktor is smiling, a tired and gentle thing. He’s without the press this time and he seems so much more human in the morning light. He looks comfortable, if not a little tired. His jacket is worn loose, his hair a little more messy than yesterday rather than the strands being held in perfect place. It’s an endearing look, one that Yuuri doesn’t have up on his wall. His heart races at the sight. 

His gaze catches Yuuri’s and his lips lift up in greeting. Yuuri’s eyes widen and his heart comes to a dead stop. He thinks he smiles back, he hopes he does. Too soon Viktor’s attention shifts back to the angry teen beside him, unlocking him from his frozen state.

_Viktor noticed me._ Yuuri feels starstruck.

His hands shake as he gathers a few unknown breakfast items, and the now half full cup of tea. He’s too scrambled to pay any mind as to what items he’s selecting. He hears Yuri and Viktor talking behind him, he finds himself clinging to the sound of each word. He takes one last glance at the pair before high-tailing it out of the hall. 

His knees feel weak in the elevator. He’s dizzy from the emotional whiplash. Face bright red he presses his forehead against the walls of the elevator. Yuuri can’t repress the large grin on his face. He’s wanted to meet Viktor so long, just that small acknowledgment, that small indication that Viktor knows he exists has him giddy. Viktor smiled that smile for _him,_ no matter how small. 

He laughs to himself, practically skipping off the elevator. 

****

As much as Yuuri tried to hold onto that wonderful giddy feeling, there wasn’t much he could do when his brain decided stressing about the competition was more important. So the next couple hours consisted of Yuuri trying to prepare for his upcoming skate, relaxing his shaking hands, and wiping away the cold sweat that’s been coming on from his nerves. 

Celestino takes Yuuri’s arm and bag as soon as they enter the competition rink, and literally _pulls_ Yuuri through mobs of fans and press, giving short answers to microphones being shoved in his face along the way. 

“Shouldn’t I make a few comments before the skate?” Yuuri asks hesitantly, looking back at the crowd behind the competition only barrier. 

“Don’t worry about them Yuuri,” Celestino soothes. “Warm ups are starting soon, and you need time to focus.” Yuuri just bows his head, and thinks that’s a nice way of saying Yuuri is already a mess of nerves, and wouldn’t be able to handle the press like all the other skaters. 

Yuuri keeps his head down and lets Celestino guide him with an arm around his shoulder until they reach the changing room.

“You take your time and get changed, and meet me out by the rink when you’re done. Let me know if you need anything.” Celestino handed Yuuri his bag and gave a hearty slap on his shoulder before starting down the hall. 

As good of a coach as Celestino is, Yuuri can’t help but wish right now he was more his friend than anything. Solitude was usually relaxing for Yuuri, but just because Celestino left doesn't mean he’s alone. Press and fans are walking up and down the hallway, and who knows how many skaters were already in the changing room… Hopefully they were all surrounded by the press. Yuuri needs a moment. 

Yuuri watches Celestino round the corner, hesitating before pushing the locker room door open. It’s a clean, open room, and best of all, empty. As much as he wishes he could be comfortable answering press questions like the rest of his competition, he’s thankful he can plug in his earphones and have some peace to warm up before things get crazier. 

It’s a long while before people start filing in, and the calm energy of the room is replaced with excitement and noise. Yuuri’s anxiety grows as the competitive energy fills the room. He wishes he could revel in it, gain confidence from it as his fellow skaters do. He feels the drive as they do however, the strong desire to succeed that comes with having the competitive edge, but where the skaters gain confidence from it, he succumbs to his nerves. 

He doesn’t have many friends here. He recognizes Christophe and JJ, which does little to put him at ease. They seem eager to get on the ice. He has yet to see Viktor or Michele. He hasn’t seen much of Cao Bin in competition, but he seems at ease here. Yuuri changes into his short skate outfit in a daze, trying not to feel self-conscious. 

“Five minutes until the skaters can warm up on the ice!” Yuuri turns his head to see the rink attendant is already heading back out the way he came. Yuuri’s breathing starts coming quick. Everything is happening too fast.

He makes a break for the door. _Five minutes to calm down._ Frantically jogging down the hall he came from, Yuuri tries multiple locked doors, hoping for a supply closet to hide in before settling for the closest bathroom. That’s how Yuuri finds himself in the last stall of the bathroom at the biggest skating competition he’s ever been in, trying desperately to get a hold of himself _four minutes_ until he needs to be on the ice. Breathing heavily, he tries to think of all the ways he’s calmed himself from panic attacks in the past. 

Opening his phone he sees Phichit sent a few more quotes, and his sister sent pictures of Vicchan and his family, gathered around their TV to watch him. The pictures make him smile. Vicchan is a very good boy. He wishes he could hold Vicchan in his arms now. Frowning, Yuuri remembers Mari recently told him she’s had to be more careful when she holds him because Vicchan was diagnosed with arthritis. That reminds him of an article he’s been meaning to send his sister. 

Yuuri opens up his messaging app to send a quick reply to Mari. 

**Thanks for the well wishes. I’ll try my best. Also I read online that dogs Vicchan’s age shouldn’t be out in the cold quite so much so maybe you shouldn’t take him for his usual walk tonight. I’m heading out now, so wish me luck!**

Yuuri stares at the sent message for a few second before scrolling up to look at his family's photos again. His knuckles are white where he grips his phone. _They’ve done so much for me. I can’t let them down._ Feeling more determined than he has all day, Yuuri wipes his sweaty hands on his pants before standing up. 

Yuuri didn’t expect a reply so soon, but as he exits the stall and splashes some water on his face, his phone dings with a reply. It’s another picture of Vicchan laying on a heating pad and a thumbs up emoji. Yuuri smiles. His chest grows tight with gratitude for his family’s support, and his sister for taking good care of his pup. 

Celestino is walking down the hallways looking a little frantic when Yuuri leaves the bathroom. Though as soon as he catches Yuuri’s eyes the relief is instant. Did he think Yuuri bailed? 

“Yuuri! The other skaters were just let out on the ice a minute ago. Let’s get you out there too.” He takes Yuuri’s shoulders under his arm and walks them to the rinkside benches where Yuuri can lace his skates up. Yuuri can tell Celestino is trying to size up how Yuuri is doing out of the corner of his eye. Coming out of a bathroom isn’t usually a good sign right before he’s supposed to get on the ice. “Did you warm up properly? I don’t want you getting hurt, and I didn’t see you doing any.”

“Yeah I warmed up a while in the changing room.” Yuuri stands and starts to the ice. The skaters don’t have long before the actual competition starts. 

“Don’t do anything too crazy out there. Stick with the basics, and simple jumps for now, Yuuri.” Celestino says, walking with him to the barrier. “Falling won’t do anything to boost your confidence.” 

Yuuri tries to smile, but he’s not sure he manages it. “Of course.” 

Stepping out onto the ice feels good. He’s still incredibly nervous, but skating had always helped him relax some of his nerves. He strangely doesn't feel as anxious as usual. Sure, talking to his sister and seeing pictures of his family supporting him helped, but he usually gets that before other competitions too. What’s different about now? Maybe he has just come to accept his fate, whatever it is? 

Looking around, he carves out a little space for himself to practice away from the other skaters. His eyes scan his competition, before moving to scan the rink side area. His chest starts tightening for another reason. He finds himself looking for someone in the crows around him. _Ah! There he is._

Making his way towards the ice is Viktor with Yakov close behind. Yuuri can’t tell if Yakov is unhappy, or if that is his normal expression. That is nothing new though. Viktor however, looks beautiful. His hair is perfectly swept, his skin glows, and the smile he is flashing the camera is stunning. Yuuri sighs softly, before he realizes what just happened. 

He’s shocked to find the amount of comfort he feels knowing Viktor Nikiforov is in the area. Another part of Yuuri wishes he were closer… 

Shaking his head, Yuuri decides he doesn't have time to figure out these feelings now. _Focus._

With his mind satisfied that Viktor is around, Yuuri starts his warm up in earnest. If anyone asks he’ll deny tracking Viktor through the rest of warm ups. This is the first time seeing his idol in person, _in competition._ Staring is completely justified. Right? 

All too soon, the skaters are being called from the ice. Yuuri still wanted to practice one more step sequence… His hands started shaking, and the cold sweats came back with a vengeance half way through warm ups. He guesses he should probably be glad warm ups ended when they did. The longer he went the worse his skating got. A stiff body isn’t exactly great for jumps, spins, step sequences, or really anything. 

It’s hard to tell what Celestino is thinking when Yuuri steps off the ice, and Yuuri is too nervous to ask. Yuuri is the fifth person to skate, so he walks to the bench and gets to work taking off his skates until he needs them on again later. Being on the top of the list for making it into the Grand Prix, Viktor will be the first to skate. It makes Yuuri’s muscles tighten with anticipation instead of stress. _Viktor is going to be skating right in front of me! I get to see it in person!_

Celestino doesn't even bother trying to get Yuuri to continue warm-ups yet, which Yuuri is very grateful for. He’d feel bad to disappoint Celestino before the competition even really starts, but his chance to see Viktor skate in person may be limited to just this one competition. He _can’t miss it!_

The wait isn’t that long, but it feels like forever. Yuuri’s leg bounces where he sits on the rink side bench, listening to the english translation of the opening announcements. 

When they finally announce Viktor’s name, Yuuri’s breath stops as he watches Viktor step out onto the ice. His short skate is fast and elegant, with a flair of the debonair side of Viktor that his fans don’t get to see often enough. Yuuri remembers the first time he saw it, he was pre-ordering posters the next day. It’s hard to believe he gets to see it in person now. 

Despite the skating style, it tells a story that Yuuri has become addicted to analyzing, in hopes to see how it ties into Stammi Vicino. The beginning of the skate is where it is the fastest, the speed telling a story of a life quickly passing by. Halfway through, it slows for a moment becoming gentle and heartfelt. Yuuri’s always thought Viktor was yearning for the time that’s passed him by in that portion of the skate. That he missed something important in the whirlwind of his life. It’s his favorite part of the program, and he can barely contain his excitement in finally seeing it in person. 

Yuuri still hasn’t deciphered the ending. The gradual increasing speed, the noticeable regret in Viktor’s eyes as he skates faster and his jumps become more urgent, almost forced. They are of course in typical Viktor fashion, technically perfect, but yet he makes them as if he’s torn. As if he wants nothing more than to go back to the gentle gliding on the ice. 

Viktor slowly skates to center ice, taking his position. He’s in a suit jacket, embedded with gems that sparkle from all angles. The lights glint and shimmer off his costume as the music begins, immediately launching Viktor into a fast motion of spins and footwork.

Yuuri is dazzled by the way the lights seem to dance off Viktor as he moves. He hasn’t seen Viktor like this before, shining so bright right in front of him. So close, so _human_ in a way he hasn’t seen before. He’s not shining in a poster right now, he’s not a far away distant dream that Yuuri is still pursuing. He’s right here and for a moment, Yuuri feels like his dream of sharing the ice with him has really come true. 

Viktor moves into his first jump, a triple axel. It’s fast and perfect, Viktor lands with a flair, leg extended with perfect arch. He unbuttons his jacket, sending lights beaming into the audience. Yuuri nearly blushes, it's a seductive move if nothing else. 

He finds himself immersed in the story once more, perhaps an insight into Viktor’s own, living a life that’s passed by so quickly, but filled with glamour and success. Viktor’s expression seems to convey that sense of enjoyment. He seems to take great pleasure in the exhilaration of his skating, the way his blades sing as he moves on the ice. The music starts to slow, once a fast violin and brass suddenly adding a gentle piano that tempers the song down quickly. 

The change in Viktor’s expression is immediate, he sobers, a painful longing coming over his form. His presentation skills are amazing, Yuuri feels a tug on his heart strings as Viktor moves to the music, setting into a slow spin. His hands reach up and out, as if reaching for something, someone to comfort him. Yuuri feels a lump settle itself in his throat as Viktor’s hands move to cover his face as he leans back. His hands travel down to his chest and neck, Yuuri watches as Viktor momentarily clutches his heart, before twirling back around to pick up speed for another jump. His expression seems so lonely and lost. 

Yuuri wonders at what seems like lost romantic love with that move. The clutching of the heart certainly seemed to convey it. Perhaps a yearning for love never had? That seems much more improbable though, surely Viktor has people in his life who love and care for him. Yet, of all the interviews he’s read he’s never heard Viktor talk about family, or really anyone but his rink mates… 

The pace of the music picks up again and Yuuri is torn from the emotion to watch Viktor leap in the air for another jump, his signature, a quad flip. Yuuri is mesmerized, Viktor soars into the air as if he’s weightless and he lands as if the move is the easiest one in the world. 

Yuuri feels something akin to want in his chest, want to embrace Viktor or to ascend to that level of skating he’s not sure. Both desires war within him with equal measure. 

Viktor is finishing his skate, his blades slowing into an additional spin before his final pose settles, a hand again returning to his chest and the other to the lights above the rink. 

Viktor holds his pose for a few seconds while the crowd rises to their feet to give him an enthusiastic standing ovation. Viktor waves to the crowd as he steps off the ice. Yuuri feels stunned, in complete awe as he watches his idol fade from view. _Amazing..._

“Yuuri? You’ll be on soon, it’s time to warm-up.” Celestino says, placing an arm on his shoulder to guide him from the rink.

Yuuri nods, only half listening. He’s too focused, listening for Viktor’s score. 

“Wow, 103.17. Well earned. Don’t sweat it Yuuri,” Celestino says giving Yuuri’s arm a squeeze. 

Yuuri watches Viktor until Celestino leads him out of the rink. His emotions are colliding against each other and jumbling his thoughts. He was so anxious before, and now his anxiety isn’t winning out. Viktor’s program was so much _more_ in person. It was inspirational in a way Yuuri didn’t anticipate. 

Yuuri wants to give this feeling to people. He wants to skate in a way that can inspire others, as he is by Viktor. He’s never felt like this before a skate, at least not one during competition. It’s the feeling that made him want to skate in the first place. 

Before he knows it, it’s Yuuri’s turn to skate. 

“You’ll be great out there. You’ve worked so hard for this, and I _know_ you’re ready. Even if this doesn’t go your way, you still have a free skate. And if that doesn’t go your way, you are still one of the six best skaters in the world, Yuuri.” Celestino's voice is soft, as he looks at Yuuri. He takes a few steps forward, and before Yuuri realizes it Celestino pulls him into a bear hug. “Please remember that making it this far is incredible. Some skaters can practice until they can’t anymore and never make it here.” He pulls back to look Yuuri in the eye. “I’m proud of you.”

All of a sudden Yuuri’s throat feels tight. His mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out. All Yuuri can manage to do is try and swallow the lump in his throat, and nod stiffly. Celestino's sincerity feels like it took the last heavy weights from his shoulders. Yuuri leans down to take his blade guards off and hand them to Celestino. Taking one last look around the rink, his eyes lingering on Viktor, chatting with Chris in the stands. Yuuri’s mind slips back to Viktor’s skate and feeling a sense of vigor, his resolve settles into his skate. 

Yuuri hands his glasses to Celestino and his vision momentarily blurs as he takes a deep breath before setting his blade on the ice. Skating is as natural as walking and he takes his place center ice. Anxiety and inspiration continue to war inside him. He clings to the memory of Viktor’s performance, the feelings it stirred in him. If he could put on a performance even a tenth as good, as memorable, it would be his dream realized. Realistically he knows he’s capable. Knows that his grace on the ice is nothing to scoff at, and the _potential_ of his abilities when used right could get him to the podium. If he could just harness his own potential, if he could just leave his anxiety behind and skate on the ice as if no one was watching he thinks he may one day reach Viktor. 

As the music starts, he feels a desperate need to _win_ and begins. His song is an upbeat classical piece Celestino picked out. Yuuri liked it immediately, and Celestino even let him help choreograph parts. Phichit had nearly had an aneurysm the first time Yuuri showed it to him, he was so excited. He tries to remember that proud feeling. 

The longer he skates, the more clear Yuuri’s mind becomes. The music slows down and he turns himself in smooth circles with outstretched arms, as he feels the beat gradually gets faster. 

So far so good, he dances on the ice, the movement of his blades singing in time with the music. The next part dips, leading into his first jump. He bends his knee slightly, preparing for the triple toe loop. 

He lands it with a ease that surprises him. Yuuri rarely feels anything other than worry during competitions, but the feeling from before is still there, urging him on. He doesn’t just want to get on the podium. _He wants to win._

He embraces the feeling as he moves into his next step sequence. It’s fast and complicated. If there is one thing Yuuri can be proud of, it’s his step-sequences. 

In his mind determination wins. Viktor is beautiful. Viktor keeps improving. Viktor is inspiring. Yuuri wants to be inspiring too. He moves with purpose now. There’s a fire under his skin, his steps and gestures have more intent, more passion than before.

He’s halfway through his program, and things are going _well._ His jumps are clean, his motions fluid, and his facial features relaxed and full of expression. Yuuri can hardly keep the giant smile from taking over his face. He just feels so inspired to do _better._ Yuuri can’t tell if Viktor’s performance affected him so much because he finally got to witness it live, or if Viktor just had an especially soulful performance. But whatever it was, Yuuri is grateful. Even now, after so many years of looking up to Viktor, pushing himself to become a better skater because of him, to think that he’s actually here skating on the same ice...

He leaps into another jump, breathless and exhilarated. Euphoric when he lands it perfectly. Distantly, he can hear sounds of approval from the crowd. Yuuri lets the music take him through the rest of his program. Hitting his final position, he holds himself still until he hears the roar of the crowd. 

Yuuri breathes heavily and wipes some of the sweat off his face. Smiling wide Yuuri takes in the blurry crowd, watching as they clap and throw gifts on the ice for him. He can’t really see what exactly they are throwing so he slides towards the closest gift and picks it up before skating back to Celestino. It’s a large rice ball plushie.

“Yuuri! That was the best I’ve seen you skate that program!” Celestino’s booms, voice warm and excited. Yuuri flushes and squeezes the plushie to his chest. He’s glad he could make Celestino proud. 

Yuuri doesn't pay much attention as Celestino leads him to the kiss and cry. Viktor’s performance had such an impact on him, he can’t help hoping Viktor was watching, and maybe feeling just a fraction of the inspiration Yuuri had watching him. 

Yuuri looks into the stands where the skaters before him are sitting, frowning when he doesn't see Viktor. _Did Viktor not stay to watch the competition?_

Feeling slightly disappointed he takes a seat in the kiss and cry next to Celestino to wait for his score. Even he is impressed to watch his performance replay on the big screen. He looks happy, and confident. _How did I manage that?_

“And the score for Katsuki Yuuri is 102.7!” Yuuri’s jaw drops as Celestino jumps up, clapping hard, and and the crowd cheers loudly. “He’s stolen second place!” 

“Yuuri!” Celestino pulls him to his feet and into a hug. Yuuri’s raises his arms to Celestino's back briefly, not sure what to say. _Second place._ It’s not first, but Viktor is only one point away. 

_Could I actually beat Viktor._ Yuuri dreamed of getting gold one day, but yet he could never truly picture dethroning Viktor ether. 

“Um. Well I still have to do well tomorrow… And one skater is left yet.” Celestino pulls back and looks Yuuri in the eye. Without saying anything, he pulls Yuuri out of the kiss and cry and off to a relatively private part of the wall. He could have to do interviews soon, but it looks like Celestino was working himself up to a lecture. 

“Yuuri,” Celestino starts more gently than he usually does. “You did great today and there is nothing wrong with celebrating.” He opens his mouth as if to say more, but when Yuuri drops his gaze to the floor, all Celestino does is let out a sigh. “Please just try to enjoy this. Yes there is more to come tomorrow, but you are ahead Yuuri! You’re-” Celestino cuts himself off abruptly causing Yuuri to look up and meet his gaze. “I’m so proud of you.” Celestino wears a big smile. “Let’s go get your interviews done with so we can get dinner and do some preparing for tomorrow's skate.” 

Throwing his arm over Yuuri’s shoulder he starts to lead Yuuri over to the press, waiting to talk to him about his skate. Yuuri feels his mind try to keep up with everything that’s happened. Is their talk really over? Usually he makes Yuuri acknowledge his remarks, and points out more of Yuuri’s “good qualities” before letting it drop that easy. Well Yuuri isn’t going to complain at any rate.

****

“Make sure you get to sleep early. Today was a big day, and tomorrow will be too. Your body needs the sleep!” Celestino says to Yuuri before leaving him by his hotel room door that night.

The interviews had gone pretty well, Celestino helped him dodge questions about his nerves and his anxiety had been fairly low. 

After the interviews he took the time to call his family. He knew they were watching live, and already knew how he did, but he wanted to hear from them what they thought. Training in America, none of his family had seen the full program. He had sent short clips, but never the whole thing. 

The conversation was almost embarrassing with how much his parents were complimenting him and how he could hear Minako in the background praising Yuuri to different customers sitting nearby. He’s pretty sure half his blush was from embarrassment, and the other from pride. Mari had then gotten onto the phone for a minute to congratulate him and had Vicchan bark into the phone. 

Before hanging up Yuuri made sure to thank his family again. He couldn’t help but thinking how lucky he is to have been raised by such a supporting family. He really needed to visit soon.

“Thank you. Sleep well,” Yuuri says before opening the door and walking into his room. He smiles and waves at Celestino before shutting the door. 

It’s all Yuuri can do to kick his shoes off and fall into bed. Saying it’s been a busy day is an understatement. Yuuri rolls onto his back and focuses on the texture of the ceiling. He needs to sleep, and he is exhausted, but his head isn’t ready to shut down yet. His mind is spinning with the day’s events and the usual aftermath of a skate. The overthinking, the analyzing how he could have done better. He does his best to shut it down, it comes easier tonight than most usual.

It’s fifteen minutes of Yuuri laying with his eyes closed, trying to push all thoughts away, before he can’t deny the inevitable panic attack getting read to pounce. He needs to occupy his mind with something… Yuuri would usually take a walk around the area, but he is in a foreign country with the sun setting rapidly. The next best thing would be a cup of night time tea. _Is the restaurant downstairs still open?_

Yuuri is still dressed so he slides on the more comfortable sneakers he wears when traveling, and starts heading down the hallway. His muscles are sore from the physical and mental strain of the day, so he takes his time traveling downstairs by stopping and stretching every ten or so feet, and doing lunges in the empty elevator. 

The dining hall isn’t busy, with just a few people sitting at tables. Chris is at one of the tables for two in the back, leaning close to someone over the table. He is smiling with his head on one hand. The man is unfamiliar, definitely not his coach. They look intimate, a lover then. Yuuri swallows and goes back to focusing on his tea. 

Growing up in a small town, there weren't a lot of romantic options. There were also slightly more boys than girls, so the odds were already against him to start with. Girls tended to go for the more outgoing boys, and the few girls that happened to be interested in Yuuri gave up on him when he wasn’t willing to give up practice time to spend with them after school. 

College wasn’t that different. Phichit helped him with his social skills, but the more he talked to potential romantic interests, the more he realized he didn’t have any desire to date. Or at least not with any of the people he met. 

Which is why lately when Yuuri gets a tight feeling in his chest looking at couples, he wishes he would have invested some more time and thought into relationships so maybe he wouldn’t be alone ether. 

Yuuri takes his tea to go. He’s already unstable at the moment without being in the same room as a couple so openly in love they almost flaunt it. 

Now the problem is he still isn’t ready to go back to his room and sleep. Yuuri takes a sip of his tea and hums, before starting up the stairs this time. He may not be able to walk outside, but he can walk up and down each floor of the building until he finally reaches his room on floor 8. 

So that’s what he does. It’s not until floor 6 that he finally runs into someone. Yuuri is just exiting the stairwell with his now empty cup of tea when he sees Viktor walking down the hall. Well, the man is walking away from Yuuri, but he would know Viktor Nikiforov’s signature silver hair anywhere. 

Viktor suddenly turns sharply and starts heading towards Yuuri. Yuuri’s eyes widen, and he takes a couple steps back without thinking about it. Viktor’s not looking at him though. His eyes are burning holes into the hotel’s carpet, until after about ten steps he turns around again.

Yuuri blinks a few times. _Is Viktor pacing?_ Yuuri takes a few curious steps away from the stairwell door again. 

It’s not until the next time Vitkor turns his way that Yuuri can see the look on Viktor’s face. His eyebrows are drawn together, his lips are pressed into a thin line, and downturned, and his eyes are bloodshot. The closer Viktor gets the more Yuuri sees how genuinely upset Viktor looks. Viktor runs both hands through his hair, and from the state of his hair, that’s not the first time he’s done that tonight. 

Yuuri can’t help but stand there and keep watching. He’s got that tight feeling in his chest again, but now he can’t quite identify why. He knows he’s worried for Viktor, but there’s more than that. He just watches Viktor pace back and forth, and a few times Yuuri swears he sees Viktor wipe his eyes with the back of his hand. 

It’s heartbreaking. Yuuri’s chest aches to go over and comfort him, but he knows that would be weird. Yuuri knows Viktor, but Viktor doesn’t know Yuuri. Surely Viktor wouldn’t want some random stranger interrupting what seems like a very private moment.

After Viktor’s tenth lap Yuuri can’t stand to watch and do nothing anymore. But he also can’t stomach the idea of confronting Viktor. So with a heavy heart, Yuuri quietly backs into the stairwell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! 
> 
> Hey guys here's chapter two. Come talk to [me](http://suzariah.tumblr.com) and [fallbutwhatifyoufly](http://fall-butwhatifyoufly.tumblr.com/) on tumblr :) 
> 
> Beta'd by greenk who is a baller.

Sleep didn’t come easy that night. Yuuri couldn’t stop thinking about what he saw on his late night walk. His concern kept him awake, his usual competition-induced anxiety taking a backseat to the image of Viktor’s pacing.  

 

Yuuri frowns and relaxes his stretch to wrap his arms around himself. After a night of tossing, Yuuri had finally given in, getting up to take his shower and start his daily routine. His hotel room seems sad in the early morning light, and he can barely get his heart into doing his warm ups. He’d never seen that kind of expression on Viktor’s face. Hands fisted in his hair, eyebrows bunched together, shoulders tucked in defensively. It’s a look he’s never seen before on Viktor, so human and  _ pained. _

 

He doesn't understand why, but his brain insists it’s a puzzle that  _ needs _ to be solved. What could make a four time Grand Prix gold medalist wear that expression? Is he having family problems? Yuuri’s never heard Viktor talk much about family in his interviews, but that doesn't mean he isn’t close to them or doesn’t have them. Did some plans fall through? Is his health alright? Does Viktor get nervous about competitions too?

 

That thought stops Yuuri in his tracks. 

 

 _No,_ _Viktor doesn't get nervous_. 

 

But could he? Is it possible Viktor and him share some of the same anxiety towards competitions? Viktor likely spends the majority of his life perfecting his craft, training for single moments like this. Yuuri does the same in a mix of excitement and fear for the day where all his training comes to fruition, but Viktor has the skill he dreams of. The exact confidence and knowledge of how to jump, spin, and move to create the perfect program. With that kind of skill-set and confidence, would Yuuri be so nervous? Surely Viktor realizes he is by far the most qualified to win today.

 

So he’s not nervous.  _ What else then? _ It’s almost frustrating trying to figure it out at this point. He can feel a small headache forming behind his temples. 

 

The soft vibration of his phone on the nightstand distracts Yuuri from this train of thought. 

 

**“You’re off to great places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So… get on your way!”** Yuuri smiles. 

 

**Where have I heard that before?**

 

**Boi!!! Dr. Seuss! A major influence on my understanding of English!!**

 

Yuuri laughs.  **Okay, okay! Sorry I haven’t read much Dr. Seuss lately!**

 

**Don’t worry. When u get home I’ll force the books on u until u can’t forget! ;) Childhood gold right there. Red fish, Blue fish, all that sht.**

 

Yuuri snorts. Phichit is a good distraction, but every thought brings him back to the way he saw Viktor. Maybe he should see what Phichit thinks… Yuuri hesitates before typing out another message. 

 

**So moving on from** **_your_ ** **childhood crush.  I saw something weird last night, and I can’t stop thinking about it.**

 

**What happened??? Did u see Chris banging someone in the hotel pool? No! Banging someone so loud u heard it through the walls!**

 

**Stop guessing Phichit! I think one of the other competitors is having problems...** He’s not sure why, but telling Phichit Viktor’s name feels like he would be breaking some unspoken promise to not ruin Viktor’s public image. Everyone has their weak moments, and obviously Viktor didn’t intend for someone to see his. 

 

**What?! Who! Did u see them get injured, or limping around or something? I haven’t seen anything on social media!!**

 

Well at least Yuuri was the only one to see Viktor like that. If someone else saw, they probably would have posted it online, there’s no way Phichit wouldn’t know. He usually keeps hard tabs on all the skaters, especially Viktor for Yuuri’s sake. Yuuri never has to worry about missing any new posts from his favorite skater thanks to Phichit. 

 

Yuuri bites his lip. How much should he say? I mean, it’s not even like he saw that much to begin with. Just Viktor looking upset in a hallway.  **I don’t want to say who right now, but last night I took a walk through the hotel to clear my mind, and the guy was pacing the hallway looking like he’d been crying.**

 

**Yuuri! You little gossip Queen! Tell me more!**

 

Yuuri frowns.  **Phichit, I’m seriously worried. I don’t think it was normal… I can’t really explain it, but he looked… he looked crushed. I don’t think** **_I’ve_ ** **ever been that bad during a competition.**

 

**Mmm. And I take it u didn’t try talking to him?**

 

**...No. It seemed private.**

 

**Well maybe if u see them today u should ask if they are okay.**

 

Yuuri fidgets.  **Well I don’t think they knew anyone saw them… I don’t want them to feel awkward about it.** Yuuri can’t even begin thinking about facing Viktor, let alone asking him personal, possibly embarrassing, questions. 

 

**Yuuri… If he was really doing that unwell, he might appreciate someone checking up on him. You saw him in a public area after all. Maybe he wanted to be seen and comforted.**

 

Yuuri stares at Phichit’s text. Could walking the hallways instead of the safety of his room be a cry for help? He shakes his head. Yuuri still can’t picture it, but he has no better ideas. 

 

Yuuri’s trying to figure out a way to tell Phichit there’s no way he can comfort Viktor when a knock on the door startles him. 

 

“Yuuri, you almost ready? We need to get breakfast and leave for the rink in twenty minutes.” Celestino's voice comes out in a weirdly loud hiss. Like he’s trying to be quiet, but his naturally loud voice won’t let him. 

 

Yuuri sighs out a breath of both relief and worry. The day is beginning… At least Yuuri has a reason to avoid Phichit’s comments. “Coming! Head down without me! I’ll be there in a minute!” Yuuri quickly sends Phichit a generic goodbye while pulling on his shoes and official Japan team jacket. 

 

*****

 

The rink is already in chaos when Celestino and Yuuri arrive. The staff is rushing around to make sure everything is in place for the day ahead, press crowding around the entrance just waiting for skaters to start filing in. 

 

Yuuri must be one of the first, and both he and Celestino stiffen the moment they realize they have been spotted. The constant exposure to press the day before has numbed his usual nervousness, and he strides up to the entrance with Celestino with only slight trepidation. 

 

“Yuuri! Do you have anything you want to say to your fans back in Japan?” 

 

“Yuuri, anything to share as a first timer at the Grand Prix?”

“Skater Katsuki! Who do you think will win today?”  The last reporter shoves a mic in his face, forcing his gaze to a crowd of press all asking the same question. 

 

_ Who does he think will win. _

 

“I am confident that I will win the Grand Prix,” Yuuri hears himself say with complete confidence, as if suspended outside his body. 

 

_ What. _

 

All heads seem to turn to him in delight, as if he was not considered truly fresh meat to the press of predators until this very moment. Apparently those are the words that will turn him into a well seasoned steak.

 

“You think  _ you _ can overthrow the reign of Viktor?” The reporter says in response.

 

Yuuri’s awkwardness comes back like a force of nature. 

 

“I uh...no I, well it’s a possibility? I mean I want to. Except I am not so sure I could beat...Well maybe...I really respect Viktor and his skate yesterday was just so inspiring...”

 

Yuuri continues to splutter, hating himself more for every word out of his mouth.  _ Why... _

 

It’s like alarms are going off for Celestino, and suddenly he’s being dragged through the crowd, the very interested reporters attempting to lure him with even more questions that would lead him to inevitably put his foot in his mouth.

 

The second they are alone, Yuuri puts his face in his hands. 

 

“Oh my god, what just happened? I can’t believe I said all that…” He despairs, Celestino pats his back in sympathy. 

 

“Don’t sweat it Yuuri, every skater is a fan of Viktor’s. You didn’t lose it too much. Plus,” Celestino smirks with amusement. “I really liked that you showed your confident side to the press. The sponsors will really like that.” 

 

Yuuri thinks he could care less about the sponsors right now; he has to forcefully remind himself they are what help him make a living. 

 

They go out to the rink, empty all except for a few members of the rink’s staff. The ice gives him a feeling in his chest he can’t quite define, a sensation of excitement and vigor. 

 

“So you ready to give Viktor a run for his money?” Celestino’s smile is contagious, Yuuri feels himself mirroring it. 

 

He nods, feeling more than ready to get his blades on the ice. 

 

*****

 

Yuuri takes advantage of the empty rink to go over his full program a couple times before his competition starts showing up one by one. After Chris had shown up surprisingly early, the others followed quickly. Only one person is missing from the ice now.  _ But that’s normal right? He didn’t show up until late yesterday either.  _

 

Yuuri tries comforting himself, and getting back on track, but this doesn't feel normal. Sure, Viktor was the last one on the ice yesterday, but he wasn’t this far behind. There’s only twenty minutes left of ice time before the free skate competition begins. 

 

The more worried Yuuri is the worse he can feel himself shaking.  _ How did this happen? How can I be so affected by someone I’ve never even really met in person? _

 

Yuuri glaces over to Celestino who is talking with another coach. It seems he has yet to notice Yuuri’s sudden plummet to despair. It’s for the best. He’ll just have to step it up. His heart still aches, but gathering what’s left of the confidence he felt yesterday, Yuuri pushes himself into one of his more complicated step sequences. 

 

Wiping sweat from his head he glances over at the digital clock on one of the stadium walls. If Yuuri thought he was worried before, that was nothing.  _ Ten minutes  _ left and no Viktor. Something has to be wrong. Surely Viktor isn’t so good he doesn’t need any ice time before the competition?  _ Where is he? _

 

Nervous sweats are breaking out at Viktor’s absence. He hates that on the day he really needs to focus on himself, his brain thinks what’s really important is Viktor Nikiforov's problems. What’s wrong with his head? 

 

The last couple minutes pass in a blur of stumbling and tripping. Yuuri can tell Celestino’s confidence is wavering now too. He’s obviously concerned about the change in skill level within the space of ten minutes. Yuuri’s concerned too. He needs to clear his head.

 

When the announcer starts talking to the crowds of people, the skaters start filing out of the skating rink. 

 

“Yuuri,” A voice purrs in his ear as he waits to get off the ice. Yuuri jumps when a hand also squeezes his butt. 

 

“Chris!” Yuuri squeaks. 

 

“You seem pretty nervous all of a sudden.”

 

“Well you’re touching my butt.” Yuuri skates a couple inches further so Chris’s hand falls from his backside. 

 

Chris smirks. “And what a wonderful butt it is.” Yuuri’s cheeks burns red. “That’s not what I’m talking about though. When I got here this morning I could see how you only missed out on first place by less than a point yesterday. Five minutes ago I look over and it’s like someone replaced your blades with hot dogs.” Yuuri covers his face and groans. “Okay, not my best analogy.”

 

“No, you’re right. I’m just stressed. I - It’s lot of pressure is all.” Yuuri fidgets. He knows Chris and Viktor are friends, so it might get weird if Yuuri says something to Chris about what he saw, and then Chris tells Viktor… But maybe Chris knows something. 

 

They finally step off the ice, and Yuuri turns to Chris again. 

 

Yuuri pretends to look around for someone he knows isn’t there. “Say, where’s Viktor?”

 

“I’ve been asking myself that question all morning.” Chris gives him a curious look before sighing. “I texted him at breakfast, and I still haven’t heard back. Now he doesn’t show up for practice? I can’t pretend I’m not worried.” Chris frowns and glaces around. “Keep an eye out for him okay?” 

 

Yuuri responds with a nod before wishing Chris good luck and heading over to Celestino who’s  waiting for him. He’s not really sure what Chris meant by ‘keep and eye out for him.’ What should he do if he does see him? He doesn’t have Chris’s number to text him and he’s not familiar enough with Viktor to just approach him out of the blue.  _ That’s already been proven. _

 

Celestino doesn't say anything, but looks worried as he leads Yuuri to a bench to take off his skates. They still have a little bit of time before the crowd is seated, and the ice is cleaned. Viktor’s skating first again, so he’ll see soon whether Viktor will appear. Yuuri’s heart beats painfully.  _ He has to show up _ .

 

“There’s still probably half and hour before Viktor skates. Why don’t we go out to the hall and you can warm up a little more.” Celestino is hesitant. “Actually, I know you don’t want to, but your skating out there went down hill at the end. Maybe you should skip watching Viktor to go through your routine again.”

 

“No!” Yuuri voice comes out louder than he anticipated, making him wince, and a couple people look over. Celestino seems thrown off. 

 

“Yuuri… I know you want to watch but you need to focus. You can watch Viktor on tv later,” Celestino says gently. 

 

“Celestino please.” Yuuri can’t tell him why, but Viktor is the reason Yuuri did so well yesterday. Yuuri had the skill, but Viktor gave him the confidence and inspiration. He needs to see him again today. “I just need something to take my mind off my own skate.”

 

Celestino doesn’t look too happy, but his acquiescence is clear. 

 

So they head out to the hallway for Yuuri to work until Viktor comes on. Celestino remains silent through the majority of Yuuri’s run through without skates, pointing out a few things here and there. Yuuri truly does feel bad for disobeying his coach. Celestino's been good to him. This is important though. So even with Celestino trying to turn Yuuri to his side with the cold shoulder, Yuuri holds his ground. 

 

The minute the announcer officially welcomes the audience and skaters, Yuuri rushes back out into the rink. He doesn’t even wait to see if Celestino followed. Yuuri presses himself up against the barrier, and whips his head around to try and find Viktor. He can’t even locate Viktor’s coach. 

 

“Our first skater of the day is four time champion, Viktor Nikiforov skating to Stammi Vicino!” The room explodes into cheers. This is Viktor’s territory after all. Yuuri’s heart races, and his lungs halt as his gaze hops between the entrances Viktor could come through. 

 

After a couple minutes the crowd dies down into confused chatter. 

 

“Viktor Nikiforov, ladies and gentlemen!” The announcer tries again. This time the room is filled with only hushed whispers. Yuuri feels dizzy. He doesn’t want to win by  _ forfeit _ . He doesn’t want his dream, his moment of victory, to be tainted by Viktor’s absence. 

 

He wants Viktor to see him skate, and be inspired by him, and stand on the podium with him! Why didn’t he just confront Viktor last night? Could he have stopped Viktor from leaving? 

 

Cheers fill the room again, and Yuuri’s heart sores.  _ Viktor!  _ He eyes dart to the entrance across from him. Yakov bursts through one of the entrance ways, one hand holding skates, and the other dragging Viktor along. 

 

Viktor’s here! ...Only he looks horrible. That’s not something Yuuri ever thought he’d think. Viktor looks distraught, like he hasn’t had a moment of peace in days. His hair looks a little greasy and limp, his eyes and the skin around them is purple and swollen, and Viktor’s posture screams that if Yakov wasn’t pulling him, he wouldn’t have come. Yuuri’s heart aches. He feels his own eyes well up with tears. Why didn’t he say something to Viktor  _ last night _ ? He didn’t look nearly this bad... 

 

“Last call for Viktor Nikiforov,” the announcer calls. Yakov actually pushes Viktor onto a bench. Yakov looks at Viktor sternly, mouth moving. Viktor looks up for a moment, shakes his head. Yakov nods and grips him by the shoulders, gives him a small shake. The exchange confuses Yuuri, is it a pep talk? Viktor’s too far gone for that.

 

Yakov then picks Viktor’s foot up and practically shoves the skate on. It isn’t until the skate is on that Viktor moves voluntarily to lace them up. 

 

Yakov pulls Viktor to his feet and pushes him to the entrance. They exchange a look, some silent conversation full of tension. Yakov says something again, but it’s much too far away to hear. Viktor’s not making any reaction to whatever Yakov is saying. 

 

When Viktor finally steps out onto the ice, there are muted cheers. Everyone is obviously confused, and probably concerned like Yuuri. Just watching Viktor skate to the center of the rink is painful. His face is dull, and he doesn’t bother to do a lap and wave to the crowd. He just gets into a rigid imitation of his opening position and waits for the music. 

 

After a moment the music starts. Viktor is behind already, starting a couple moments late. Yuuri loved this program because it told a story full of love and longing. It’s nearly unrecognizable now. Viktor seems like he’s forgotten his program. He ignores his first jump completely, and doing a couple more spins instead. His form is too rigid when he moves into his first jump, and Yuuri watches in horror as he crashes to the ice on a triple lutz. 

 

The first thing on the ice they teach you is how to fall and pick yourself back up. Watching Viktor hit the ice like a sack of bricks, his body skidding to the side of the rink with the momentum is like every nightmare Yuuri imagined for himself. He never thought Viktor could fall like  _ that _ .

 

Achingly slowly, Viktor gets back up. He must have bruises, a fall like that doesn’t leave someone unmarked. He thinks his next move is to get off the ice, but instead he resumes the program at where the music left off, still going. He wishes they would just cut it, it's obvious this program isn’t meant for an audience. With a program like this, Yuuri will be surprised if he gets fifth place. 

 

Yuuri’s heart breaks. This skate is no longer about love lost, then found. It’s no longer about a beautiful, yet painful longing. This is about sheer grief so fresh, so profound, a few tears escape Yuuri’s eyes. Viktor steps on the ice like he’s stepping away from a casket. It’s a disaster Yuuri desperately wants to look away from. 

 

The audience is in disorder, the tone of the rink is disturbed. Everyone in the rink is watching a star fall to Earth, even Yakov’s expression is horrified, regret worn heavy on his expression. 

 

Viktor wants nothing more than to be done with the skate, and Yuuri can tell. It’s written in Viktor’s every movement. Yuuri feels compelled to go to the rink himself and drag him off. 

 

Viktor skate is all wrong, his movements are rigid and off-balance. His arms, supposed to be reaching out then in as if to bring someone close, now stay gripped around his center as he glides across the ice. Even in so much pain, he is still beautiful. Viktor moves into his sit spin, it’s off balance, and Viktor comes out of it like a staggering drunk man. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Yakov grabbing a pair of skates. He looks like he’s about to drag Viktor off the ice himself. Yuuri hopes he does before Viktor hurts himself. 

 

The music picks up, this is where Viktor would normally do his quad flip. Yuuri’s heart clenches as Viktor picks up speed.

 

_ He’s going to actually try it. _

 

Yuuri hands ball into fists, how can he watch this? 

 

Viktor launches himself from the ice, his form is surprisingly perfect even with his energy not in the jump. His rotations are lightening fast. He lands.

 

_ Perfectly. _

 

Yuuri breathes out a sigh of absolute relief. 

 

“He made it, wow.” Celestino says, obvious relief in his voice.

 

Viktor makes his quad flip, of all things. His blade hit the ice and resume their course. Viktor’s expression has changed though, where it once was dead it now is openly mournful. As if the landing shook him from some trance. 

 

As if it couldn’t get any worse, tears start to fall from Viktor’s already bloodshot eyes. Not the kind brought forth from pure artistry or passion for skating, but from a feeling horrible enough that it is just too much to bear. 

 

Why hasn’t this ended yet? The world shouldn’t get to see this, no one should be allowed to witness a feeling so private. Yuuri feels like he’s intruding. 

 

The song moves into its closing notes. The skate would normally end now with Viktor in the center, but he is already halfway to the exit, hiding his face behind his hands.  

 

The last note rings into the stadium as Viktor steps off the ice. Yakov tries to put his hands on Viktor’s shoulders, but Viktor brushes past, skates still on his feet, to the exit. The room is silent. Not even the announcers dare break the atmosphere. At Yakov’s rushed exit behind Viktor, Yuuri finally lets his head drop into his hands. His face is wet from crying, but as Yuuri tries to wipe them away, more tears take their place. 

 

He feels raw just from watching. His lifelong idol just broke down in front of him, an audience, and a live television crew. His pain was so  _ real _ . That was no performance. Yuuri’s chest hurts, and he clutches at his chest with both hands. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone experience that level of loss shown so openly. 

 

“... The-Yuuri-Katsuki Yuuri is the next skater.” The announcer finally sputters out. 

 

Real fear grips Yuuri. His head whips behind him to find Celestino. Yuuri doesn’t think he’s ever seen Celestino look so somber. He gestures for Yuuri to sit down and put his skates back on. The crowd is in quiet chaos. He doesn’t think they’ve even registered that he’ll be on the ice soon. Everyone is too busy talking in hushed voices, whispers about the downfall of the king of skating. It’s like everyone has just been confronted with a tragedy, as if the competition at this point should just stop to mourn. 

 

When Yuuri doesn’t move, Celestino walks to where Yuuri is before putting both hands on his shoulders. They look into each other’s eyes, but there’s not much to say. Nothing could soothe away the pain he’s feeling from watching Viktor right now. 

 

A great weight has been set on Yuuri’s chest, making it hard to breath. He places his skates up with shaking hands and labored breaths. The announcers haven’t bothered to call Yuuri’s name again yet. It’s obvious everyone needs a little bit more time. Unfortunately, time is limited, and before Yuuri knows it, he is at the edge of the ice. 

 

Sweaty hands runs thoughtlessly through his hair, messing up the hard work he put into it. He knows the cameras are on him now, and that he probably does not look that much better than Viktor. Puffy eyes, messy hair, a sheen of sweat and tears on his face. 

 

Yuuri hates that he feels like this over someone he’s never really met. Viktor’s been a huge part of his life sure, but is it normal to feel so cut open after a role model falls to Earth? Yuuri wants to say he was so overwhelmed by the performance, and that’s why he’s acting like he is now, but it’s so much more. The guilt for not approaching Victor when he had the chance. The misery of knowing someone he looks up to feels so alone right now. The fear for the media’s response. The audience’s reactions are enough to tell him he won’t be treated kindly online.  

 

Yuuri’s surprised at the force of his feelings, almost as if something akin to love for Viktor has settled in his heart. It’s misguided, to feel this measure of fondness for someone he’s never met, but his concern is profoundly strong. He wants to be there for Viktor, a man he barely knows at the core of it all, but it feels like he knows him, like he’s known him for most of his life. He’s seen all his programs, been party to every story he’s told on the ice, but this last one.... It’s solidified a feeling he had no definition for before.

 

He wants to be there for Viktor, if he is wanted. He wants to know that Viktor’s okay and that if there’s anything that Yuuri could possibly offer, he would give it freely. It’s the least he could do, for all the inspiration and joy Viktor has given him with his skating.

 

It’s these thoughts that push Yuuri to the center of the ice. He’s still shaking and unbalanced, but there’s determination under the painful ache in his chest. 

 

Yuuri doesn’t wait for the announcers to introduce him again while he skates a couple laps for the audience. He probably shouldn’t take Viktors lead in this aspect, but he’s too emotional to try and please the audience. So after he strikes his beginning pose it’s only a few moments until his music picks up. 

 

It’s a slower piece, and that means the audience will be more focused on his face. Yuuri extends one arm as he glides across the ice. He wishes he had spent more time practicing facial expressions, because he knows the calm, happy face he is trying to pull has turned into an ugly grimace. Trying to force a smile is breaking his heart. Like Viktor, Yuuri did not intend his program to be about loss and loneliness, but the longer he skates, the more weary Yuuri becomes. Tears are building in his eyes, and a lump is clogging his throat. 

 

The build up to Yuuri’s first jump is a little too long and throws him off beat. He lands it, but it’s shaky at best. The worst part is, Yuuri finds it hard to care. It’s all too much to take in, and his brain desperately wants to sleep for a few hours. The night of restless sleep and the emotional strain of the day so far are crushing him. 

 

He’s fighting against himself through a difficult step sequence before his quad top loop. As strange as it is, while his brain is fighting and weary, his body has turned autopilot on. His quad loop is perfect. He barely notices his movements through the blood pounding in his head. 

 

Yuuri is lost on the ice. He’s skating his program, but not the way he intended. Maybe it’s the fact that he usually has so much anxiety for himself, but now his mind is so occupied with thoughts of Viktor that he doesn’t miss a jump. They aren’t technically perfect, but at least he doesn’t fall. 

 

His step sequences are too sharp to be the smooth loving movements he intended. His hands and knees shake with effort, but Yuuri presses on. 

 

As he finishes his skate, Yuuri remembers he is not alone in the rink. He looks to the exit where Viktor and Yakov left, feeling a tug at his heart. Yuuri wonders what Viktor is doing now. If he is being comforted after such an emotional experience. He hopes Yakov caught up to Viktor. 

 

He comes back to his body when he realizes he is in his final pose. The crowd is cheering, but it is laced with confusion. First Viktor, now Yuuri. The audience obviously doesn’t understand.  _ Yuuri _ doesn’t understand. The hand Yuuri has raised comes to cover his face, as tears start to fall. He’s so  _ tired. _

 

The crowds cheers die down as the announcers begin to comment on Yuuri’s performance. He should probably leave the ice. He wipes a few more tears from his face before skating to the exit that seems miles away. Yuuri stumbles off the ice, Celestino having to practically catch him. Yuuri can’t even find it in him to be embarrassed. He just wants to  _ sit down. _

 

Celestino is practically holding him up now as he is guided over to the closest bench. Yuuri wishes he was home so his mom could make him tea and his sister and him could share a blanket and watch a movie together like they used to. Yuuri is barely sitting before he’s burying his face in his hands again. 

 

“Yuuri… We should - I -,” Celestino cuts himself off and Yuuri hears him bending over to dig something out from Yuuri’s skating bag. “I guess Viktor missed the kiss and cry. One more skater can’t hurt.” Gratitude fills Yuuri as he looks up to see Celestino offering him a small smile and a portable package of tissues. 

 

More tears fall from Yuuri’s eyes as he takes the package with both shaky hands. He takes a couple out to start clumsily wiping his eyes, and shoves the rest in his pocket. They're the nice kind that smell good and are soft against your face. It soothes Yuuri a little. 

 

“It’s been a big day. Why don’t we go to the changing room, and you can lay down until the rest of the skaters finish.” Celestino’s voice is soft as he puts Yuuri’s jacket over his shoulder for Yuuri to shove his arms in. 

 

Yuuri can’t even begin to explain how relieved he is Celestino isn’t making him go to the kiss and cry. He knows this won’t look good to sponsors, but considering what happened with Viktor, Celestino probably guesses the sponsors will let it go easier than if this happened elsewhere. 

 

So Yuuri leans down to struggle with his laces before handing them to Celestino to put the skate guards on and pack them away. He feels more stable with his sneakers on and they exit the rink without too much trouble. The workers that usually guide the skaters to the kiss and cry stare at Yuuri and Celestino as they leave, but obviously are too confused to do anything. 

 

Outside of the rink Yuuri stops walking to lean against the wall and take in some deep breaths. He knows Celestino is waiting for answers, but he also knows this isn’t the right time to question Yuuri. After all,  _ Yuuri  _ needs time to find answers. They wait a couple minutes while Yuuri leans against the wall before starting to walk again. 

 

Yuuri’s breathing starts to even out, but he doesn’t feel much better. His eyes feel puffy, his nose is clogged, his body sweaty, and the lump in his throat has taken up permanent residence. 

 

“I - I’m going to - I need to use the bathroom.” The words come out rough and quiet.

 

Celestino nods. “I’ll wait for you here,” gesturing between the entrance to the rink and where they are. 

 

With that, Yuuri goes off to find a secluded room to calm down. As supportive as Celestino’s been, Yuuri just needs some time  _ alone _ . He needs to  _ think  _ and  _ rest _ , and do all the things that help him leave some of his anxiety behind. If that means crying a little more, Yuuri doesn’t need Celestino around to try and comfort him again. 

 

Yuuri passes multiple bathrooms before finding one away from traffic. He pushes the door open and goes straight to wash his face. Using hand soap, Yuuri scrubs away the salt and snot gathered, before using cold water to splash his face. 

 

He clutches the sink with both hands and lets his face air dry. He wishes he had brought his head phones. At least then he could have listened to some calming white noise. He squeezes his eyes shut. 

 

Suddenly Yuuri hears someone sniffling. His head snaps to the last stall of the bathroom. He didn’t even  _ think _ to check if he was alone! He freezes with his eyes trained to the door, unable to move. 

 

A minute passes and the door stays firmly shut. The sounds of distress get harder to hide in the quiet. Someone is obviously crying. Yuuri’s heart breaks for them. He and Viktor must not be the only ones having a bad day… 

 

He wishes there was something he could to do make this day better. It all just seems like too much. Too much pain, too much fear, too much loneliness… 

 

Yuuri grabs a rough paper towel and wipes his face off before heading to the door to find a more secluded bathroom. The choked sobs get louder when Yuuri reaches the door, like the person can’t hold it back anymore. It brings a new wave of tears to Yuuri’s eyes. 

 

Reaching into his pocket, Yuuri grabs the pack of tissues. They are half gone, and the whole thing is crumpled from his bag and pocket, but they’re better than toilet paper. So Yuuri moves over to stand in front of the stall. Yuuri hears movement from the other side, but the person is obviously trying to hold back their noises. 

 

Yuuri raises his hand to knock, but then thinks better of it, crouching down to slide the tissues under the door. 

 

“I hope you feel better,” Yuuri whispers so softy he’s not sure the person could even hear them. 

 

Yuuri’s almost to the door again when he hears the lock to the stall door open. Turning he sees Viktor Nikiforov step half way out, tissues clutched to his heart. 

 

Yuuri’s frozen, hand halfway to the door. Their eyes meet, and Yuuri can tell Viktor is a little surprised too. Viktor looks worse from close range. His nose and eyes looks like they’ve been wiped raw, and he’s still in full costume. Obviously Yakov never caught up with him to give him his team jacket. He’s sure his own appearance isn’t much better, but he can barely think about that right now.  _ Did he just give his half used tissue package to Viktor Nikiforov?! _

 

Viktor shuffles on his feet, looking very uncomfortable. He clears his throat a couple times before letting out a hoarse, “Thank you for the tissues.” Yuuri can’t do much but nod, and it doesn’t seem like Viktor is looking for anything else. “Yuuri, right?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the feedback. Your comments are lovely to read. Me and [ fall-butwhatifyoufly](http://fall-butwhatifyoufly.tumblr.com) enjoy them greatly. 
> 
> Check the end of the notes for translations! Enjoy!

Viktor shuffles on his feet, looking very uncomfortable. He clears his throat a couple times before letting out a hoarse, “Thank you for the tissues.” Yuuri can’t do much but nod, and it doesn’t seem like Viktor is looking for anything else. “Yuuri, right?” 

 

Yuuri’s brain comes to a halt.  _ What? _

 

Did  _ Viktor Nikiforov _ , his idol and role model  _ just call him by name?! _ Yuuri couldn’t even make it past the sheer disbelief in order to feel happy.  _ Wow. _ How long has Viktor known his name? Well, he said it as a question, but he still knew it! Did he learn it yesterday? Has he been watching Yuuri compete through the season?  _ Oh gosh, I hope he didn’t see my jump in the cup of China. That’d be so -.  _

 

Viktor clearing his throat again makes Yuuri startle and realize Viktor was waiting for something.  _ Oh gosh, what was the question?!  _

 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

 

“Uh, Yuuri right?” Viktor seems very confused and Yuuri flushes with shame. He can’t even introduce himself right. 

 

Yuuri bows and begins trying to make up for the awkward last couple minutes.“Hai! I - Yes, I’m Katsuki Yuuri. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Straightening back up Yuuri looks to see Viktor appearing slightly more relaxed.

 

“So I guess it’s too much to hope that I didn’t make a complete fool of myself,” Viktor says looking down to toy with the tissue package. There’s no need for Viktor to clarify what he’s talking about. They both know. Viktor’s face is back to the distressed look it had been when Yuuri saw Viktor exit the ice. Yuuri wants to reach out and smooth the lines between his brow. 

 

“No!” Yuuri answers a little to loud and quickly. Viktor looks taken back. “I mean… well… It wasn’t your best, but obviously you have something else going on! You’re the best skater out there and everyone knows it!” Yuuri’s voice becomes more firm with certainty the longer he talks. “You still landed your quad flip too, which is amazing since you seemed so distressed! I don’t think I even would have came out! You’re very brave!” Yuuri’s mouth snaps shut and his eyes grow large.  _ What is he thinking?! Is he really analyzing Viktor’s performance to Viktor? You’re making it worse! _

 

Yuuri’s frozen again, waiting for Viktor’s response. To his great surprise, a light blush actually starts filling Viktor’s pale cheeks. 

 

“Well, thank you…” Viktor trails off, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to continue. At least he doesn't seem insulted.  __

 

Silence fills the room again. What should he say now? Yuuri doesn’t want to intrude on Viktor’s privacy by asking what happened, but it’s all Yuuri can think about.  _ He just brought it up though. If Viktor wanted to talk about it he would have said something. _

 

“So,” Viktor starts. “How far into the competition is it?” Looking at Viktor’s face, Yuuri can tell Viktor doesn’t really care... But then why would he be asking? Why did he even come out of the stall? Yuuri didn’t do anything but slide tissues under the door… 

 

“Umm… Well I went after you, and I just finished about fifteen or so minutes ago…” Yuuri trails off. He’s not really interested in the competition ether. 

 

“Ah,” Viktor says. 

 

Yuuri  _ really  _ needs to find actual conversation topics, because these awkward pauses are getting worse. Or maybe he should just leave. Obviously Viktor still needs some time. He’s probably just bothering him… Yuuri’s heart aches again. 

 

“Well, I was - I’m going to the - I might take a walk to get some fresh air.” The excuse comes off Yuuri’s lips before he can think of anything better.  _ A walk during the Grand Prix. Such an idiot. Well, it’s too late to turn back.  _

 

“I’ll walk with you!” Viktor blurts when Yuuri’s hand is halfway to the door handle. Shocked, Yuuri whips his eyes back to Viktor’s. Viktor looks nervous, and a little surprised with himself. His hands keep playing with the tissues, and his cheeks are a little pinker again. When Yuuri doesn’t answer right away Viktor’s eyes drop and his voice becomes more hesitant. “I mean, only if you want the company. You obviously came in here for privacy.” 

 

_ Is this day real? Viktor wants to go for a walk with me?  _ “S - Sure,” Yuuri stutters. “Of course you can come!” Relief fills Viktor’s face, which in turn makes Yuuri relieved. 

 

“I just need to grab my jacket from the changing room,” Viktor says walking towards Yuuri and the door. 

 

“O-Okay.” Yuuri flumbles to open the door and let Viktor exit first. 

 

The walk to the locker room is tense. Yuuri can’t tell if it’s for the same reasons though. The fear of being caught and questioned keep Yuuri’s eyes constantly moving, but Viktor’s eyes stay straight towards their goal. Viktor opens the locker room door in return this time, causing Yuuri to blush a little. 

 

“Oh, right. I left my jacket with Yakov,” Viktor hums while looking through his duffle bag. “Well it’s cold out anyways. Yuuri, you should wear your winter coat as well.” 

 

“Ah, I’m okay! It wasn’t that cold this morning.” 

 

Viktor gives Yuuri a disapproving gaze. “Who’s the Russian here?” 

 

****

 

Getting out of the stadium undetected was easier than Yuuri expected. Viktor knew right where to go so that they would pop out of a relatively unused exist. They both have their coats zipped to their chins, and hats pulled over their ears. Viktor even tucked is signature silver hair up into his soft looking black beanie so they could look more anonymous.  

 

“This way, Yuuri. There’s a beautiful park not far from here.” As Viktor and Yuuri walk, Yuuri can’t help but notice that Viktor seems a little better. He’s making comments as they walk, and his cheeks have produced a healthier blush from the cold rather than tears. Maybe all Viktor  _ did _ need was some fresh air. Could he just have felt closed in this whole time?  _ Unlikely.  _

 

“Oh, over there they are selling Sbiten!” Yuuri glances up to catch Viktor’s eye. When he doesn’t say anything Viktor continues. “It’s a classic Russian drink we generally enjoy in winter. It can either be really spicy or sweet. I normally prefer the sweet. I know! We can get one of each and I’ll let you see which one you like more!” 

 

Before Yuuri knows it, Viktor’s grabbing his hand and walking them across the street to the drink stand. There palms are pressed together.  _ Viktor’s hands are warm. _ Yuuri hasn’t even gotten more than a couple words out since they began their walk. It’s nice though. Viktor’s not expecting anything, and Yuuri can’t think of anything to say. The shock of meeting Viktor is wearing off pretty quickly, and exhaustion is making it hard to think again. 

 

“Here you go!” Viktor hands him a steaming cup of a purplish looking liquid. Yuuri can’t help hoping that he likes it. It would be so embarrassing to be choking down a drink he can’t stand in front of his idol… “That’s the sweet one. Most of my rink mates prefer it. Yura says he likes the spicy better, but I think it’s just him trying to act tough.” Viktor winks at Yuuri like it’s an inside joke between them.  _ Oh my gosh, are Viktor and I forming inside jokes?! _ Yuuri’s so caught up in his thoughts he has to rush a little to catch up when he realizes Viktor has started walking again. 

 

Russia is beautiful. The time of day has the whole city bright and colourful. The leftover snow from the past storm is laying in a soft blanket over grassed areas, and helping reflect more light. When Yuuri looks back up to Viktor, his breath catches. The sun makes Viktor’s face glow like he hasn’t been crying for a day. His eyes are so blue and shining, Yuuri actually trips on a crack in the sidewalk from staring too long. 

 

“Yuuri, you’re letting it get cold!” Viktor says while pouting. Yuuri can’t believe Viktor is  _ pouting _ . He’s always seemed so cool. 

 

_ It’s adorable. _

 

“Sorry,” Yuuri blushed. Yuuri slows their walk to blow on the hot surface, and take a small sip. It’s not bad, but it’s not good. It tastes strongly of honey and some kind of fruit. 

 

“Well?” Viktor says smiling. 

 

“Uhh. It’s sweet?” Viktor laughs before taking a sip of the drink in his cup. “It’s not for everyone. Here try this.” Viktor pucks the cup out of Yuuri’s hand and replaces it with the one he had. 

 

_ Dose Viktor really want to share drinks with me?! Viktor’s lips touched this cup! _

 

“It’s right over there.” Viktor points across the street to an open gate. Just from here the park looks beautiful. Yuuri can tell it’s well maintained. 

 

Once they cross the road, Viktor leads them a ways up the sidewalk, before gesturing at one of the nice wooden benches by a fountain. Yuuri nods, and they both sit. 

 

Hesitantly Yuuri brings his cup of Sbiten up to his lips and takes a small sip. He likes this one better than the sweet, but more than taste, Yuuri is focused on how Viktor and him just kind of  _ kissed. That’s what an indirect kiss is right?  _ __

 

“You did really well yesterday. I’m glad to finally have some competition.” Yuuri’s first instinct is that he’s being made fun of, but when he looks to Viktor again, Viktor is offering him a genuine smile. Blushing Yuuri glances back down at this drink before looking back to Viktor. He did do well, but it was thanks to Viktor. 

 

“Thank you. You too!” Yuuri immediately knows those are the wrong words when Viktor winces slightly.

 

Viktor sighs deeply, “Not today. I tried to keep it together for my coach, but there was just no way...He doesn’t really understand.”

 

Yuuri hesitates. Viktor looks so vulnerable, so fragile that a simple touch or breeze would break him. It’s such a contrast from his exuberance just a moment earlier, that Yuuri is not sure how to react. Should he ask? Should he stay silent? 

 

Yuuri doesn’t want to say the wrong thing, but Viktor is wearing the face of someone who just wants one person to understand them. Yuuri knows that feeling too well. He’s already passed up two chance to comfort Viktor about it, and his curiosity can’t take anymore. “Understand what?” 

 

Another sigh. Viktor’s lips start to tremble. Being so close to Viktor,  his pain is even more obvious, a lump immediately settles itself in Yuuri’s throat.

 

“Yakov doesn’t understand that my personal life...it’s not much. All I had was skating and Mak-” Viktor attempting to control his voice. “And my dog, and I…” 

 

He doesn’t even have to finish, Yuuri knows exactly what Viktor is telling him. 

 

“I feel like I just lost both in one day. He doesn’t understand that I  _ needed _ to go home and see him.” Viktor’s eyes squeeze shut, his hands trembling in obvious frustration. “He was at the vet and just….I was going to take a break after this competition, spend more time with him. He was old and I knew he didn’t have too much longer, but I...I hoped he would keep going, even if for just one more year. For an old dog he was so energetic, you know? But last night he....”

 

Viktor’s words tamper off, and he sets his cup down to grip his knees tightly. His breath hitches and Yuuri can’t take it anymore. He reaches for Viktor’s hands, feeling helpless to comfort him. Viktor’s hands still under his before gripping them in turn, his voice turning desperate as he clutches onto Yuuri.

 

“He was my best friend and I just let him die alone!”

Tears drip quietly down Viktor’s cheeks. He doesn’t hide his face, just like he did on the ice. Yuuri knows far too well how he feels, people don’t always understand how important a pet can be to someone. Vicchan is as much his best friend as Makkachin was Viktor’s. Heck, Yuuri feels like mourning him too, he got Vicchan because of Makkachin afterall. 

 

“I’m so sorry Viktor.” Yuuri tells him. Viktor has a slight tremble to his form and the sight has Yuuri pulling Viktor in close, wrapping his arms around his shoulders in comfort, all hesitance forgotten. “I’m sorry. Losing your dog, I can’t...I know I wouldn’t be able to skate after losing my dog. They’re so important, so many people don’t realize how they become family.” 

 

Viktor turns in his seat so he can wrap his arms around Yuuri’s back and hold him tight in return. The way Viktor is openly mourning to Yuuri is… confusing. The way Viktor asked to walk with Yuuri, and then talk like they’ve been friends for years is a little overwhelming. Yuuri’s both happy that Viktor is talking to him, but so sad for his loss. He wishes there was more he could do…

 

Viktor buries his face in Yuuri’s neck as sobs start to work there way back up Viktor’s throat. It’s heartbreaking, and Yuuri can feel the tears about to slip out of his eyes. 

 

“He’s d-dead Yuuri!” Viktor wails into Yuuri’s coat. All Yuuri can think to do is pet his head and start rocking them back and forth. 

 

Yuuri's not sure how long they sit there like that. The position is a little awkward since they are both still sitting yet have their chests pressed together, but Viktor’s arms around his back never loosen. When Yuuri starts humming the tune to an old japanese song, Viktor finally starts calming down. 

 

“Mmm soph embamaresd,” Viktor mumbles against him, his voice muffled against Yuuri’s jacket. 

 

“Mmm?” 

 

Viktor pulls back too look Yuuri in the eyes. “I’m so embarrassed.” Viktor’s face was red and blotchy, and the expression on it made Yuuri feel embarrassed too. “I don’t know why I did that. We just met and within an hour I dragged you out to this park, told you something I have yet to tell my closest friends, and soaked your coat in tears and snot,” Viktor finishes sheepishly.  Yuuri didn’t even have to look at his shoulder to know the last part. The cold was already making the wet spot uncomfortable.  _ It is weird I’m not grossed out by Viktor’s snot on my coat?  _

 

“Viktor, don’t-” The both jump a little at the sound of Yuuri’s phone going off. Yuuri glances around before fumbling for this phone. It had felt like Viktor and him were in their own private world for a little bit. Being pulled back to reality hurts. When Yuuri looks back up to Viktor’s face, Yuuri knows he’s not the only one upset by the return of reality. Yuuri wipes his eyes before answering the call.

 

“Celestino?”

 

“Yuuri! Where are you? I’ve been searching every bathroom for twenty minutes! You never came back to the locker room.” Celestino doesn’t sound too upset, so Yuuri figures he’s still trying to be gentle with him. 

 

“I’m sorry… I-” Yuuri glances to Viktor before continuing. “I just went outside for a little fresh air.”

 

“Well come back in soon. The last skater just finished! They are tallying the sources now! You need to be here for the ceremony.” 

 

“Okay… I’ll head back.” 

 

Yuuri hangs up and looks to Viktor. He looks broken. Viktor is not facing Yuuri, but looking to the side at his cup of now cold Sbiten. It hurts that Viktor’s not even looking at him anymore, like he thinks Yuuri’s just going to abandon him in his time of need. Yuuri’s already made a promise to himself that unless Viktor asks him too, he’ll stay by him. 

 

“Viktor, let’s go back together,” Yuuri says as he stands. He picks his cup back up in his left hand and when Viktor still doesn’t look up or move, he hesitantly holds the right out. He’s glad Viktor made him wear his coat now. The air is growing colder, and the wet spot on his shoulder is going a little numb. 

 

Viktor looks to Yuuri’s hand for a couple moments before taking it with the slightest upward turn to his lips.

 

They don’t talk much on their way back, but Viktor doesn’t let go of his hand and he seems soothed to be holding it. 

 

Reality is starting to settle in, most of the walk had Yuuri in a state of disbelief. Everytime Yuuri closes and opens his eyes only to find Viktor still there he believes it a little more. He’s not sure if this day was a dream or a nightmare, a little of both perhaps. He’s endlessly grateful to have Viktor by his side like this, but he also can’t stand the thought of him being in so much pain. The misery he expressed on the ice is still there, pulsing behind the skin of where their hands are connected. Viktor holds his hand as if it’s a lifeline, he squeezes tightly every few moments, struggling against the tears threatening to surface. 

 

When they arrive, Viktor stills him before they go their separate ways. Yuuri looks up, only to be met with a crushing hug. 

 

“Thank you, Yuuri.” Viktor says, he presses gentle hands to his face. “You’ve been a godsend. I will see you again?”

 

Yuuri is stunned silent by the gentle hands caressing his face. They’re soft and any fortifications that were in place around Yuuri’s heart before then are immediately destroyed. The feeling of Viktor’s hands on his face are a battering ram, and Yuuri knows that from this moment forward if Viktor decided he didn’t need Yuuri, he would be heartbroken. 

 

He wants to get to know this man, this skater who has inspired him endlessly. He wants to know so much, Yuuri’s been introduced to him at what is clearly one of his lowest points, Yuuri wants to see him at his highest. Who is he when he is so happy he can’t keep the smile from his face?  Does his laugh sound the same in person as on camera? What does he look like when he wakes up in the morning? 

 

The force of Yuuri’s affection hit him in that moment, with Viktor staring gently at his face, asking him if they will see each other again. His feeling of love when he skated thinking of Viktor isn’t feeling so misguided now. 

 

Yuuri’s eyes soften and he places a hand over Viktor’s where it rests on his cheek. “Soon, I promise.”

 

Viktor’s eyes light up. 

 

“Yuu-” There’s a small choking sound that sounds suspiciously like his name. 

 

Celestino pauses mid step in the doorway, looking completely baffled by his company. “Yuuri? The final score was just announced...Viktor Nikiforov?”

 

Viktor nods and offers a small greeting. “Ah, sorry I will only keep him a moment longer. There’s no way I placed.” He laughs, it’s self-deprecating but not sad. He seems to have already come to terms with his skating loss.  “Here Yuuri, my number.” Viktor says as if it's the most casual thing in the world. “I need to go find Yakov.” 

 

Celestino’s eyebrows lift to the ceiling. “His number?” 

 

Yuuri blushes bright red before pulling Viktor a little bit away from Celestino. This was unreal enough to  _ him. _ He didn’t need Celestino questioning too. 

 

Yuuri opens his phone and pulls up a new contact screen before handing it to Viktor. “I’ll text you later?” Viktor smiles and types on his phone. 

 

“I texted myself so I have your number too,” Viktor says as he hands Yuuri’s phone back. Yuuri smiles and holds his phone to his chest. They gaze at each other for a couple moments, neither wanting to walk away first, before Viktor lets out a loud sigh. “Yakov's going to kill me.”

 

“I’m sure he’s -”

 

“Yuuri.” Celestino voices from behind him. Yuuri could tell his patience was running thin.

 

“Sorry! One more minute!” Yuuri calls back before looking at Viktor again. “If you’re still alive I’ll talk to you later. Maybe see you at the banquet too?” Yuuri asks shyly. 

 

Viktor laughs a little and nodded his head. “See you then.”

 

With that Yuuri brushes his hand against Viktor’s, ( _ when did I start getting so touchy?)  _ and walked over to Celestino. He could hardly wait until the ceremony was over and he got to talk to Viktor again!

 

Celestino was giving Yuuri a look mixed with too many emotions for him to sort through. “So, you went off to find Viktor? You two look like you’ve known each other for awhile.”

 

Yuuri shifts on his feet and ducks his head. “We just met about an hour and a half ago.” Celestino is obviously waiting for more of an explanation, but Yuuri is still processing too. “Shouldn’t we get out to the rink?” 

 

Celestino sighs and starts walking. “You really need to tell me what’s been happening this week when we get back.” Yuuri just nods a little. He’s not even sure Celestino sees it. 

 

When they reach the rink, announcers are just getting ready to call the three medalists to the ice. Celestino rushes Yuuri over to the bench and pushes his skates into his lap. Yuuri stares at them uncomprehendingly. 

 

“...Did I actually medal?” Yuuri’s voice is high with disbelief. 

 

“Third place! You would have been higher, but your PC points were some of the lowest you’ve had. The judges also docked you points for your theme being ignored. You weren’t expressing a whole lot out there, though after Viktor’s performance I think they could've been a little more lenient. Shocked everyone here.” 

 

There’s frustration in Celestino’s voice that makes Yuuri want to defend Viktor on reflex, his act was a tough one to follow, but it’s not his fault.

 

His name is announced and suddenly Yuuri is being led up to a podium where Chris has placed first. He knows Chris has been wanting that gold for some time, and he smiles as he steps up to the podium on the third position. 

 

“Congratulations Chris.” Yuuri says, meaning it. 

 

Christophe doesn’t look as happy as he should given he just won gold. His smile is for the cameras, polite at best and noticeably forced. 

 

Chris gives him a look and Yuuri knows immediately what his thoughts are on this win. It’s how Yuuri would have felt if he had been the one with a gold medal around his neck. He feels like its unearned, since they didn’t beat Viktor, at least not really. Viktor at his best, or even his normal skating level is the goal for so many skaters, Yuuri included. To beat him at his worst isn’t beating him at all. 

 

Still, Yuuri can’t help but feel a little pleased as a bronze medal is placed around his neck. He feels like he earned this much, at least. He skated his best in the short skate, so much so that even with his mediocre free skate he still placed. The feeling that he did well gives him confidence, next time he skates he’ll make sure both his skates are  _ perfect. _

 

_ **** _

 

By the time the ceremony is over, Yuuri is tired but he still has his exhibition skate to worry about. The thought of getting back on the ice is exhausting, but he’s grateful that he gets to do it. Celestino is at least enthusiastic about it, his mood is certainly better after the ceremony. The sight of a medal around his neck seems to have lifted the edge from him. 

 

“You did great, Yuuri. Well-earned. Next Grand Prix I know you’ll only have gotten better. I’m sure you’ll get gold.” Celestino says earnestly. 

 

Yuuri smiles and palms the medal around his neck, “Thanks Celestino.”

On his way to the locker room to  _ finally  _ put in his earbuds and take the nap he’s been  _ needing _ before is next skate, Chris finds him. “Yuuri! I heard that you and Viktor were seen talking together. Is he doing better?”

 

His bitterness over the win seems to have settled into concern for his friend. His eyes scan the room, searching for him. Yuuri can’t help think about how fast word travels that in less than a couple hours Chris already knows he and Viktor talked. 

 

“He’s...as best as he can be given the situation. Something happened. He seemed calmer last time I talked to him.”

 

Chris seems appeased by his words. “Thank you, Yuuri. I’ll have to call him, and check for myself,” Chris hums. “Congratulations by the way.” 

 

“You too.” 

 

Chris smiles legitimately now. “Thanks.” Chris pulls out his phone before walking away with a wave. 

 

Yuuri watches him with a sigh before continuing on his way. He crosses his fingers and prays he won’t run into anyone else wanting to talk to him. He’s so tired he doesn’t know how much more he can handle without at least a thirty minute power nap. 

 

When he makes it to the room, Yuuri hurries to the last bench in the room, and lays down. He uses a towel for a pillow, and his coat as a blanket. Yuuri doesn’t even have time to put in his head phones, or make sure he’ll wake up when he should before he’s asleep. 

 

*****

 

“Yuu-”

 

“Yuuri.

 

“Yuuri!” A hand griped Yuuri’s should and shook him a little. “It’s thirty minutes until you have your exhibition.”

 

Yuuri groaned and stretched his arms above his head. “Uh. How long was I asleep?” He felt better. It was a deep sleep, and even though he still feels like he could sleep for days, it’s better than before. Like his brain is able to process new information again.

 

“Not long. Only about an hour. It’s time to get changed and warm back up. You’re first.”

 

Getting ready to go on felt like he was starting the day over. So much had happened he felt like it was days ago he was stretching in his hotel room. That Viktor had yet to fail, Yuuri still had the chance to win, and they had never met. The thought scares him a little. Meeting Viktor, even in such unfortunate circumstances was a dream come true. Before Yuuri can really think about it, he takes his phone out to check for Viktor’s number. His heart needs confirmation.  

 

He blushed when he sees how Viktor programed himself in. <3 VIKTOR <3 is listed as the last person he texted. Without really thinking out it, he clicks on the message Viktor sent to himself.  **Moye solntse** is the only thing sent. Yuuri doesn't have the chance to google translate before Celestino is calling him out to the rink. 

 

Yuuri throws his jacket on, and stuffs his phone into his pocket. Curiosity and happiness bubbling in him as he walks out to the rink. Viktor had sent himself a Russian message from Yuuri’s phone. He can’t imagine Viktor writing it in Russian unless he thinks Yuuri couldn’t read it. But then it’s not like he can’t use Google translate. Is it just Yuuri’s name in Russian? That would be a little disappointing. 

 

The rink seems mostly back to the excited energy it had before the the disaster that began the day. Shots of the best segments of the day are playing on the jumbotron. He’s guessing Viktor’s not going to be playing on it for the first time in many years. The crowd  roars when it shows Chris completing a quad top loop perfectly. 

 

“Yuuri come sit!” Celestion waits until Yuuri is sitting and tying his skates to continue. “Remember this means nothing score wise. It’s completely for fun. It’s to show the audience and crowd your happiness and thanks for their support, but also a personal celebration for making it to the podium.” As Celestino talks, Yuuri can’t help but feel like he’s being lectured. He  _ has _ performed exhibition skates before. 

 

“Thank you coach. I’ll try to skate in a way that shows how I feel.” Yuuri bowed a little and stepped up the to entrance to await his introduction.

 

*****

 

His skate goes well. Yuuri steps off the ice feeling accomplished. It was a faster song, one he would sometimes enjoy listening to in his free time. All the jumps were guaranteed lands, ones he hasn’t missed since juniors. The extra time on the ice without the pressure of scoring has him more relaxed. The crowd seemed to like it too.

 

However, the second he sits down he’s practically hounding Celestino for his phone, being all too obvious if his look of disapproval is anything to say. He wants to look up the words and respond. 

A quick search produces a strange answer that has Yuuri’s face slowly turning more red by the second. 

 

_ My sun.  _

 

What did Viktor mean by that? If Yuuri didn’t know better, he’d think it a term of  _ affection _ . He stops himself from imagining Viktor holding any sort of affection for him, its too fast, they barely know each other and it’s clear Yuuri is intoxicated over Viktor’s proximity that he’s jumping to conclusions. Still, the words can mean nothing but kindness, so Yuuri sends back a little word of endearment in his own tongue. 

 

**私の素晴らしいインスピレーション**

 

Yuuri hits send, then immediately regrets it, worrying over its interpretation. He’s just going to run it through the online translator, just like Yuuri did. What if Viktor is insulted by it? What if Viktor only likes him because he listened to Victor's problems, and now when he finds comfort in someone he’s closer to, he’ll regret letting Yuuri have his number.  _ Oh no. _ Yuuri stares down at the message he sent in horror. This is so embarrassing. He’s made a complete fool of hims-

 

**Yuuuri! <3 Do you mean that?**

 

A deep sigh of relief leaves Yuuri’s body. Viktor seems flattered. At least that’s what he assumes the heart means. Yuuri hopes he got the translation right. 

 

**You are the most decorated men’s singles skater in history.**

 

**:(  Is that the only reason I inspire you?**

 

Yuuri smiles wider at Viktor’s reply. You would never know from his interviews how childish he can be. He seems  _ perfect  _ when he’s in interviews. Now he’s whining over all his accomplishments not being enough to inspire someone. 

 

**Your skates are very inspiring! You always fill them with such emotion.** Yuuri stares at what he’s typed. It’s not nearly enough. If Viktor had asked him this in person Yuuri probably would have blurted out how much of a fanboy he has been. How he’s never missed watching a competition or interview. How his childhood was filled with practicing Viktor’s skates with Yuuko. Even how his room is wallpapered with posters of him. But this is text and Yuuri has time to think. He’s already said and done so much with Viktor today. It feels as if things are moving to fast, like if he keeps saying all the things he has to Viktor, then Viktor will see him as too boring or too needy, and not respond anymore. So Yuuri hits send. 

 

Viktor’s reply comes in two minutes later.  **I have to go! :(((( I’ll text you soon!**

 

And there is the worry again… Was he not detailed enough so Viktor got tired? Did Viktor only want to continue talking to Yuuri because he could tell Yuuri admired him so much, and now when Yuuri is less upfront Viktor isn’t interested? Yuuri groaned and put his head on his knees. Why does he always have to think the worst possible thing is reality? All he said was that he had to go! With frowny faces!

 

He’s only known him for such a short time, it's not enough time for him to be over analyzing his interactions like this. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. 

 

“Yuuri, I let you get off the hook with press conferences earlier, but now you’ve accepted your medal, and done your exhibition skate. It’s time to face the press.” Yuuri looks up from his knees to argue, he’s still mentally tired, but Celestino's arms are crossed, and he’s wearing a look that leaves no room for disagreement. Yuuri sighs. At least he’s got out of them for this long. 

 

He stands and lets Celestino lead him out to the press rooms, all while giving Yuuri tips on what to say. They’d practiced interview questions in the days leading up to the competition, but chances are after how the competition turned out, they will be very different then what they practiced. Yuuri repeats the answers Celestino thought of while running his hands through his hair and straightening his jacket. 

 

“If you forget what to say, or are unsure of what to say, just look to me and I’ll step in,” Celestino says. Yuuri nods, and smooths his hair one more time before Celestino opens the door. 

 

A sense of relief wasn’t something Yuuri thought he’d be feeling when they entered the press room, but he can’t help but be a little happy. On the other side of the room Viktor is entertaining basically all the reporters.  _ No wonder he had to go. He was busy after all.  _

 

He looks good. There’s no doubt someone applied some makeup to Viktor’s face. Other than the bloodshot eyes, his skin is perfect again, and his hair has been swept into place. He’s smiling at the crowd and gesturing as he talks, but this is nothing compared to usual. The first time he saw Viktor in person he was being interviewed. That time Viktor’s smile was huge, he gestured with meaning, and you could tell skating was a passion for him. Now it looks like Viktor’s lost his passion, but is still being forced to talk about it. 

 

Yuuri doesn’t have much more time to watch Viktor before a few of the reporters in the back break off when the see Yuuri. 

 

“Skater Katsuki, how do you feel about Viktor Nikiforov’s failed performance?” Yuuri mentally sighs. Of course they’d want to talk about Viktor. 

 

“Well, I wouldn’t call it a fail. Viktor is working through some issues, and was very brave to step out there to begin with.” Yuuri crossed his arms, and tries to make it clear he’s done talking about Viktor. 

 

The first reporter backs off, but apparently the others are willing to take the chance. “Do you think it’s a physical injury that will stop him from competing in Worlds?” 

 

“Can you give us insight on what these ‘issues’ are?”

 

“Do you think Chris deserves the gold he received when Viktor was obviously not at his best?”

 

Yuuri’s honestly a little shocked at this point. Reporters keep shouting out questions, and  _ not  _ ones about  _ his  _ performance. Only how he feels about other performances. If Yuuri is getting asked these kind of personal questions, he can’t even picture what kinds of questions Viktor is getting. 

 

Suddenly Celestino steps in front of him. “If no one has a question about  _ Yuuri’s  _ skate and placement then we would appreciate if you would go interview the skater you are asking about for information.” Celestino's voice is loud and his stance is protective in front of Yuuri. When the crowd starts to back away Yuuri can’t help wishing he could have some of Celestino’s authority. 

 

Yuuri looks back to Viktor and sees Viktor is already looking at him. His smile brightens when  he catches Yuuri’s eye and he waves. Yuuri blushes a little and waves back. 

 

“Yuuri, can you tell us a little about what you were thinking during your free skate?” The reporter holds his mic out, a little hesitant, glancing multiple times at Celestino. 

 

Yuuri smiles a little. “Well, I can’t say I wasn’t stressed. I think we were all a little shaken after Viktor’s performance. I was tense so my step sequences weren’t nearly what I wanted to show, but I am happy with my jumps.” 

 

Yuuri let himself ramble on a little bit with different questions. He knows he said no questions about Viktor, but somehow Viktor is in most of his answers. 

 

“Skater Katsuki, have you started planning…” The reporters eyes suddenly become wide and focused over Yuuri’s shoulder. Before Yuuri can look an arm is being thrown over his shoulder and a smooth voice is saying his name into his ear. 

 

“V-Viktor!” Yuuri blushes when he hears cameras going off. Viktor is basically plastered to his side. _ Phichit is going to have a lot of questions when he gets back…  _

 

“Pardon us everyone, the banquet will be starting in the next hour and we all need time to freshen up.” Viktor winks and that’s all the press needs before nodding in understanding and stepping back. They way Viktor controls the press is truly impressive. 

 

Viktor squeezes Yuuri tighter to him and starts making a path back to the door. Celestino doesn’t look happy about Viktor ending Yuuri’s time with the press without consulting him, but follows them through the crows without a word. 

 

Once past the doors Viktor smiles at Yuuri and pulls him into another hug. 

 

“Let’s making pulling Yuuri out of press interviews a one time thing okay Vikor,” Celestino sighs behind him. Vikor nods enthusiastically. “You’re lucky it is time to start heading back. Yuuri, I assume you’ll get a ride with Viktor?” 

 

“Um.” Yuuri still can’t see Viktor's face because of the hug, but the way Viktor's not letting go is sign enough. “Yeah… I’ll see you at the banquet?” 

 

“Yes, I’ll meet you there. Try to be early too. There has been enough drama today,” Celestino says, shaking is head. 

 

“Of course!” 

 

When Celestino leaves with the promise of gathering Yuuri’s equipment for him, Viktor’s death hug finally loosens. 

 

“ Moye solntse, let’s get ready and go to the banquet together,” Viktor smile was brighter than Yuuri’s seen it that day. 

 

“Okay.” Yuuri blushes a little and starts walking the way Celestino just left. 

 

“You’re not upset with me for interrupting, are you?” Viktor’s face has fallen a little, like he just realized what he did might have been wrong. “I’m sorry! I wasn’t really thinking, I guess.” 

 

Yuuri tugs on Viktor’s jacket sleeve to get his attention. “Viktor, it’s fine. I didn’t want to be there anyway. Celestino thought I should for the sponsors sake.” Yuuri smiles and Viktor’s face relaxes again. Before Yuuri’s hand can fall back to his side, Viktor catches it with his own and squeezes. 

 

“Let me call a cab so we don’t have to fight the crowd,” Viktor says, pulling his phone out. 

 

While Viktor speaks in Russian to what must be a cab company, Yuuri’s eyes fall to their hands. Again, the thought of how this happened crosses his mind. Yuuri has never been a touchy person. He was raised in an affectionate family, but they showed their love in different ways. His mom with katsudon, his dad with morning conversations before Yuuri’s runs, and his sister with teasing and occasional flicks or noogies. It wasn’t until Yuuri left for America that he realized how important physical touch is to other people. However, even though he understood where easy physical affection could be comforting, it was never something he did for himself. Even with Phichit, Yuuri was fine with Phichit throwing his arms around his shoulders, or snuggling up to him, but he rarely initiated himself.

 

So why now, in the space of _ hours,  _ has physical affection with Viktor become a necessity in their interactions? That Yuuri feels the need to reach out and dare to tug on Viktor’s sleeve? Is it due to all the pent up affection for Viktor that Yuuri’s had through the years? If he continues this with Viktor will the touches decrease to the level of what he experiences with family and friends?  _  What does this mean to Viktor? _ Is Viktor like this with everyone? 

 

Should he ask what it means, or enjoy it while he has the chance? Who knows how much longer Viktor plans to spend with Yuuri. Even if Viktor spends every second of the rest of their shared time in the same country together, they will part tomorrow. The thought forms knotts in Yuuri’s stomach.  _ That’s right _ . 

 

Time is more limited than he’s been thinking. In less than twenty four hours Yuuri will be on a plane home. The thought makes Yuuri’s hand tighten on Viktor’s, before loosening again. Already, Yuuri can tell their separation will be hard on him. He hopes Viktor will continue talking to him when they part ways. 

 

“Yuuri,” Viktor says, startling Yuuri out of his thoughts. Viktor reaches up to smooth the wrinkles Yuuri hadn’t realized formed between his eyebrows. They relax the instant Viktor’s thumb wipes over them. “You’re thinking hard. Want to talk about it?” Viktor’s face is open, but Yuuri feels a little nauseous. What will Viktor think about how pathetic Yuuri is to take their small amount of time together, and make it into a life changing event in his head? 

 

Yuuri just shakes his head a little and looks down. Viktor turns quiet, but his hand tightens almost painfully around Yuuri’s. “I’ve been too much haven’t I?” Viktor’s voice is sad. When Yuuri glances up, Viktor's face looks just as solemn. 

 

“No! It’s… It’s just that, well…” He struggles trying to put together what he’s thinking in his head. Should he just ask Viktor what the touching means, or should he stay quiet to save himself the inevitable disappointment. “I just hope we can continue talking after today,” Is all Yuuri manges to get out. 

 

Yuuri frowns. It’s not what he wanted to say, but at least Viktor brightens. “Of course! We’ll talk all the time!” Viktor’s brightness does little to soothe the fears Yuuri has about their upcoming separation, but at least Viktor seems confident in their continued correspondence for now. 

 

Yuuri wishes Viktor could give him proof that all these words are the truth. Hearing these things Yuuri never knew he wanted to hear so much, to only be a forgotten later would hurt. All he can do is nod and try to swallow the lump in his throat. 

 

The wait for their cab passes with Yuuri trying to get himself under control while Viktor talks about other sites in Russia Yuuri should visit when he has the chance. At one point Viktor starts mentioning a beautiful park near his apartment, but immediately changes the topic half way through one of his sentences, practically choking on the words. 

 

_ He must have taken Makkachin there.  _

 

When Viktor’s phone chimes, he leads Yuuri out a back exit to the cab waiting for them. It’s strange how Viktor automatically has the cab meet them in the back exit. It must be hard going places when constantly recognized. 

 

Viktor opens the door for Yuuri, making him blush again and thank Viktor quietly. When Viktor’s settled on the other side he speaks to the driver in Russian, and the cab takes off. 

 

Viktor’s just about to say something else when his phone chimes again. Viktor takes his phone out, but when he starts typing something out on his phone, Yuuri takes his out for something to do with his hands. 

 

“Yuuri!” Viktor gasps. “Your case is so cute!” Viktor’s stopped typing on his phone and is staring at Yuuri’s. Yuuri turns the case over completely to give Viktor a better look. “Poodles! Do you like poodles Yuuri?”

 

“Um. Yeah, I actually have a toy poodle,” Yuuri says a little hesitant. He  _ really  _ doesn’t want Viktor to know how he begged his parents for one after he saw Viktor get Makkachin. 

 

“A toy? So cute! Do you have pictures Yuuri?” Viktor’s scoots over so he is pressed to Yuuri’s side. He’s giving Yuuri and expectant look, and how is Yuuri supposed to refuse? 

 

Sighing Yuuri opens his phone and heads into the pictures he has saved of Vicchan. In the past five years the only pictures he has are what his sister has sent him. Her camera isn’t the best, because Mari hasn’t got a new phone since Yuuri left for school. She refuses to use phones for much else other than texting and calling and feels getting a new one would be a waste of money. Yuuri sometimes thinks of pulling together all his spare money to buy her a phone just so he could get better pictures of Vicchan. 

 

Yuuri starts at the most recent pictures, but Viktor won’t let him flip to the next until he’s thoroughly looked at each and commented. “I take dogs very seriously,” Viktor says with a straight face. “Especially ones this cute!” Viktor’s straight face breaks and Yuuri can’t help laughing. 

 

Eventually Yuuri just hands his phone over and rests his head on Viktor’s shoulder to watch. The more photos Viktor looks through the glassier his eyes become. When the first tear tracks down his face Yuuri gently takes his phone back. He can’t decide if he should have refused Viktor now. 

 

“Thank you Yuuri,” Viktor says after a couple minutes of deep breathing and face wiping. 

 

“For what?” Yuuri frowns. Didn’t he just make things worse by basically flaunting his still alive dog in Viktor’s face? 

 

“For everything. I know this must seem a little strange to you, and you are very kind letting me occupy so much of your time today.” Viktor’s face is a little sad and he’s staring at his hands. “I actually don’t have many friends to talk to. I love the ones I have, but none of them would have given me the comfort I needed. When you approached my bathroom stall, honestly I thought you were some press reporter who found me crying in the bathroom, and was just waiting to humiliate me.” Viktor’s voice is soft and the pain and fear Viktor must have felt in those moments makes Yuuri’s heart ache. Not for the first time today, Yuuri is glad he is the one who found Viktor.

 

“But when you slipped that pack of tissues under the door, and whispered that you hoped I’d feel better… Well I knew whoever was on the other side of the door must be a kind, gentle, comforting person. You don’t know how much I needed some comfort in that moment.” Viktor smiles now and looks at Yuuri. “So thank you. Honestly I think I’d still be in the bathroom if it wasn’t for you.” Viktor laughs a little bitterly at that. 

 

Yuuri feels a couple tears spring to his eyes. He wishes he could tell Viktor he’s done much more for Yuuri than Yuuri’s done for him. That Yuuri really hasn’t done much today, and he’s just glad to have been there when Viktor needed someone. That Viktor never has to worry about finding someone to talk to again, but Yuuri will carefully listen to all of Viktor’s problems. Instead Yuuri throws his arms around Viktor’s shoulders and buries his face in Viktor’s jacket. He’s so overwhelmed with emotions. Having Viktor thank him and speak to him like a valued member his is life sends Yuuri’s fears flying.  _ Is this why everyone is always talking about communication being important?  _

 

“You should come visit Hasteu.” The words are out before Yuuri can really think about it. Of course he means them, but how will Viktor take the invitation? When Viktor stiffens, Yuuri pulls back to look at his shocked face. Blushing Yuuri continues, “I-I mean the hot springs are very relaxing, and this weekend was stressful. I’m not going to be home yet for a while because of school, but you could still go, or wait so I’ll be there. Um, my poodle would also be there! I don’t know if that would make you feel better or worse though. But you would be welcome to play with him!” Yuuri struggles to think of a way to wrap his rant up, when Viktor pulls him back into the hug. 

 

“I’d love to Yuuri!” Yuuri relaxes, and can’t help feeling like despite all his fumbles today, his life is going perfectly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 私の素晴らしいインスピレーション - My wonderful inspiration (or My Grand inspiration alternatively)
> 
> Moye solntse- My sun


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry from both of us for the delay, there's been a lot going on! Thanks for waiting, here's the last chapter!

“Oh, Yuuri. Your short skate was wonderful, you’ve certainly improved.” A man says, his suit is pristine so much so that Yuuri finds it somewhat intimidating. 

 

The banquet has gone well so far. Yuuri has never been approached by so many sponsors. Normally, he’d be filled with relief at the prospect of secure finances for the foreseeable future, but apparently Viktor Nikiforov now has claimed the first spot on Yuuri’s list of priorities. He can barely focus on what the sponsors are saying, too distracted searching for that flash of silver hair that was by his side when he first arrived.

 

Viktor had hovered near him for the first few minutes of the banquet, and he thinks Viktor’s presence alone secured him a few sponsors.  Even with Viktor’s second skate, he has everyone’s attention. He’s charismatic as ever, earning himself a few interested sponsors. Even when emotionally compromised, Viktor is still considered a good investment.  

 

He had waved Yuuri off only a few moments ago, mentioning something about making the banquet more exciting. The words confused Yuuri, the banquets have always been a point of stress for him. He’s not comfortable with the formality, the constant need to keep up appearances sets him on edge. If he slips up with anxiety, it could spell death to his finances.

 

The current sponsor is the owner of some new company that makes sportswear. He wants Yuuri to advertise some new designs for the rink. Yuuri nods along enthusiastically, he’s grateful that this particular sponsor likes to talk a lot. Yuuri “oh’s” and “ah’s” in all the right places and sips his champagne slowly. 

 

The sponsor smiles widely, sounds enthusiastic about sponsoring him. Yuuri bows and gives him all the appropriate information. He will likely be in contact with Celestino next. Yuuri sighs in relief when the man steps away to select his drink for the night. 

 

His eyes scan the crowd, finally finding Viktor’s hair by the drink table. His feet move on their own accord.

 

“Hey Viktor,” Yuuri says, smiling beside him.  

 

His unexpectedly undignified turn to Yuuri throws him off guard. “Yuuuurrrriiii!”

 

Yuuri blinks. The image before him is one that puts a blush on his cheeks and a knot in his stomach. 

 

Viktor is completely sloshed. Cheeks flushed, hair disarray, a half empty glass in his hand just to top it all off. His suit jacket lays half off his shoulder, Yuuri worries at the noticeably loose button down underneath barely covering Viktor’s chest. He forces his eyes away from the flash of skin to focus on Viktor’s slurred words. 

 

“Yuuri! I made a bet with the DJ that if I got trashed he’d change the music so we can dance. I can’t believe there isn’t vodka, I’ve had to drink so much…” 

 

“Viktor are you...wait, what are you talking about, there’s not a DJ?” 

 

He sees the empty glasses stacked behind Viktor, a clear example of the power of Viktor’s tolerance. Even for a Russian, Yuuri is impressed he’s not out-cold. 

 

Viktor waves with a thumbs up over to someone, apparently the supposed DJ. 

 

“Dance with me, Yuuri!” 

 

Despite the knot of unease in Yuuri’s stomach over how embarassing of a public display this is, Yuuri can’t deny that Viktor is endearing like this. Filled with exuberance and excitement, asking Yuuri of all people to dance. 

 

He doesn’t think he would deny him anything with that smile. 

 

“Okay, Viktor.” 

 

Viktor pulls him into an open area out near some of the speakers where the music is loudest. It’s still barely there, on the cusp of becoming a hindrance to the banquet. It doesn’t matter though, as Viktor’s movement is fluid, Yuuri finds it easy to keep up. Viktor moves like he’s talking to Yuuri alone, an invisible chemistry that makes him move to compliment Viktor. 

The music starts to change, growing louder into something fast and electronic. They’ve gathered a lot of attention, but with Viktor’s eyes on his, he feels brave enough to do anything. He doesn’t care that the sponsors are watching, he doesn’t care if Celestino sees, all he wants to do is keep Viktor’s attention on him. 

 

So, he dips Viktor in a manner that Yuuri can proudly say was  _ suave. _ Viktor laughs uproariously, like he’s having the time of his life. Their faces are close together, so close Yuuri can see himself reflected in Viktor’s blown wide pupils. It’s disarming, being able to see the exact pattern and color of Viktor’s eyes. Viktor’s humorous smile turns gentle and Yuuri smiles in turn, giving him a wink before lifting him back upright. 

 

“Watch this,” Yuuri says, spinning Viktor out of his arms. Viktor stumbles drunkenly, but remains standing. 

 

The electronic drops into something with a stronger bass. Yuuri takes advantage, grinning like the opportunity to show off a little to Viktor is a gift. 

 

Yuuri picked up a lot of skills with his time in Detroit. There was so many different kinds of dance classes to take in college, and Yuuri would often sit in on them. There was a classmate who could break dance like no other though, and he was open to teaching anyone who approached him. 

 

Yuuri was his best student. 

 

Yuuri does a little footwork to loosen up, quick foot and hand movements to match the music, before he drops into a power move that pulls all eyes to him. He only cares about one pair, which he finds easily as he spins from the ground. Viktor’s eyes are wide with disbelief, his hands shuffling to record the moment with his phone.  

 

Yuuri knows he doesn’t look like the type to know how to breakdance, but his passion is dance itself, the art of moving the body to music, to tell a story with sounds and movement. Breakdancing is no exception. 

 

He leans his body weight onto one hand and spins, throwing his body into a windmill as the beat alternates. There’s exclamations of excitement around him as he dances. He lets his hands support the weight of his body as he adjusts. The music changes again, and he kicks out of the move and begins to move his feet. The bodies around him slowly form a circle, several phones are out. He can hear Viktor laughing, and it makes him smile. 

 

He rejoins Viktor quickly and a few others join in the dancing. Specifically, Chris joins in with enthusiasm. Russian Yuri challenges him to a dance-off, which he  _ wins _ much to Yuri’s displeasure. Every face he sees it lit up in amusement or shock. He is grateful for the spontaneity of Viktor’s impromptu drunkenness. Yuuri could never plan something so bold. Honestly he’s a little shocked at himself for going along with Viktor’s drunken antics.  

 

After a little while, Viktor seems to tip into the territory of too drunk to stay in the public eye, and his clothes have been slowly disappearing one item at a time.  First his tie, then his shoes, then his jacket. He’s just lost the button down when Yuuri steps in. He’s not sure he could handle seeing him completely shirtless and drunk out of his mind for the rest of the night. 

 

They’re staying at the same hotel, so it's an easy decision to drag Viktor away from the banquet. He loops Viktor’s arm around his shoulders and hauls him away before Viktor can start pole dancing, the pole courtesy of Chris. Yuuri almost hopped on himself, but he decided to save that particular skill to show off at another party, or preferably for an audience of one. 

 

The whole way back Viktor is babbling drunkenly, mostly about Yuuri himself to his delight. Viktor seems thoroughly impressed. 

 

“Yuuuriii, where’d you learn to dance like that? Wow.” Viktor says, then proceeds to say something in Russian that flies completely by him. 

 

“School.” Yuuri tells him. Viktor’s feet drag heavily. “We’re almost to your room.” 

 

“You went to breakdancing school?” Viktor hiccups and seems confused, which Yuuri won’t admit he finds adorable. When Yuuri starts patting Viktor’s pockets down for a room key, Viktor starts looking around like he just realized they were in front of his door. Viktor’s grin turns lascivious. “My room? Yuuri, you seem to have read my mind,” Viktor purrs in his ear. Yuuri’s shivers hard. He most definitely has failed to read Viktor’s mind, but it’s not hard to imagine now what he has in mind.

 

“I-err...Ah, I do-don’t think that would be a good idea Viktor. You’re really drunk.” 

 

Viktor pouts again, like he did earlier. The pout that was so adorable, now used as a weapon  _ like this _ . “Do you not like me that way? I’m very fond of you, Yuuri.” 

 

_ Oh. _

 

“No, I do. I really like you.” Yuuri answers immediately, blushing from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. 

 

Yuuri takes a deep breath to steady himself. His legs are weak from carrying him along so far, and Viktor’s words with his proximity does nothing to help matters. 

 

“If you like me, why don’t you come in? Do I smell?” Viktor’s frown is prominent and he bends to sniff around his arm while still holding onto Yuuri. Yuuri laughs a little and begins in earnest trying to find Viktor’s room key. 

 

“No Viktor, you just drank like a gallon of alcohol, and you still smell like how cologne ads look.” Yuuri blushes when he has to reach in Viktor’s back pocket to find the room key. Lucky Viktor didn’t seem to notice Yuuri practically groping him. 

 

“Yuuuuri! You’re so… what’s the word… good with words.” Viktor’s face is serious, and Yuuri laughs again. 

 

“Thanks, Viktor. Okay into bed you go.”

 

After unlocking the door and guiding Viktor to bed, Yuuri takes off Viktor’s shoes and pulls the covers up. Viktor’s eyes are starting to droop already. Yuuri can’t blame him. Now that they are in a warm room with access to a nice bed, Yuuri’s ready to crawl under the covers with him. 

 

“Yuuri, will I see you again?” Suddenly Viktor’s voice is tense, and his voice quiet like he’s telling a secret. 

 

“What do you mean Viktor?” Yuuri’s stomach drops.

 

“I want to know if you want to see me. I’m a lot.” Viktor’s personality has done a one eighty. Suddenly if it wasn’t for the slight flush on Viktor’s cheeks, Yuuri would think he sobered up. “I’ve had friends. Friends who I was close with, but when I wanted too much from them, they couldn’t keep up. I’m “high maintenance.”” Viktor’s arms come out of the blankets to air quote on the last words. Anger fills Yuuri. Viktor’s gestures obviously mean someone’s told him he is high maintenance. “Even my dog-” Viktor’s breath hitches and he closes his eyes. 

 

Yuuri’s heart aches. “Viktor, listen to me. It’s not that they couldn’t keep up with you, its that they didn’t  _ want  _ to keep up with you. Those people don’t deserve to be your friend.” Yuuri moves his face in front Viktor’s eyes to get him to focus. “Viktor I’m not going to get bored of you, or think you’re too much.” Yuuri sighs when Viktor just stares at him. What is he even doing trying to comfort someone who probably has an eighty percent chance of not even remembering much of the night. Finally Yuuri sighs. “I don’t have many friends ether, so we can stick together,” He says, trying to lighten the mood.

 

Just like that Viktor smiles a brilliant smile and throws his arms around Yuuri. “Yes! We should stick together.” Viktor nuzzles his cheek with his own, and Yuuri can’t help laughing.  

 

“Come on Viktor,” Yuuri laughs out, trying to fight out of Viktor’s grip. “I’ve got to go to bed too. Remember you have my number. Feel free to use it.” Yuuri smiles as he unwraps Viktor’s arms and tucks them back into the blankets. Viktor whines slightly.

 

As he goes to get up, suddenly Yuuri realizes Viktor might be onto something. This may very well be the last time they see each other until the Grand Prix starts up again. His stomach churns at the thought. How were they going to manage “sticking together” from thousands of miles away for months and months at a time? What if he doesn’t even make it into the Grand Prix? Then it would be even longer! 

 

Yuuri shakes his head to get up and retrieve a glass of water to put on Viktor’s nightstand for tomorrow morning. He’ll need it. 

 

“Yuuri?” 

 

“Hm?”  Yuuri mumbles, setting the glass on the nightstand.

 

“Can I be your coach next season?” 

 

Yuuri stops dead, looks to Viktor to see his eyes, they are burdened with exhaustion, but clear. He knows exactly what he is asking. 

 

“You want to leave skating?” 

 

“Not at all, I want to be your coach. It just struck me.”

 

Yuuri smiles and approaches his bedside. “We can talk about it tomorrow, when I can be sure that what you’re offering me is what you really want.” 

 

Viktor seems to accept this, and his eyes close a moment later. His breathing quickly evens out. He finally looks peaceful. Viktor’s eyes are swelled a little, and he looks tired, but the wrinkles have smoothed and his chest is rising slowly. 

 

Hesitating, Yuuri reaches out and brush es a few stray hairs from his head. The temptation was too much, the swell of affection irresistible. Of course he knew this behavior wasn’t normal for Viktor.  Getting drunk just to get dance music may be something he’d do on a regular basis, but Yuuri doubts it. This goes deeper, and it worries him.

 

There’s so much information for him to think about. Viktor has shown him so much in such a short time. 

 

It’s abundantly clear now that the media's perception of Viktor does not embody the man himself. His true personality is much more than the stereotype he’s portrayed as. It’s clear that Viktor feels deeply. Deep enough that there’s no way he’s out skipping around from lover to lover, abandoning friends left and right. Instead it seems far untrue, like he knows a lot of people himself, but so few really know him. Even his coach didn’t know what Viktor would be like out on the ice after a tragedy and it’s a coach’s responsibility to know when his skater is at his limit. 

 

The thought places a lump in his throat, not unlike the one he had during Viktor’s skate. He feels like he understands Viktor’s feelings in Stammi Vicino now, Viktor longs for someone to know him, to be close to him, to stay by his side just as the lyrics wish for. 

 

Viktor wants badly enough to be close to  _ him  _ that he would give up skating and coach him. The thought is intoxicating. If he was asked again right this very moment, he knows he would say yes immediately. Viktor coaching him is more than a dream come true, it's more than he ever dared to dream of. Really it was never even in the spectrum of his thoughts. Yuuri can’t even picture the skating world without Viktor. He has not gotten to know Viktor for however short a time, the dream is even more powerful, more alluring. 

 

He can’t put any hope in it, at least not until Viktor can say something sober. He dismisses it, for now.

 

Viktor’s eyes are closed, his sleeping is sound. He can’t help but gaze at him for a short while. 

 

It’s an opportunity he likely won’t get again. 

 

Eventually, he knows the time will come where he needs to go, otherwise he’d fall asleep in Viktor’s room. He wishes Viktor a final goodnight before returning to his own hotel room. He’s tired. Tired enough that he falls fast asleep the moment his head hits the pillow, his thoughts on the way Viktor’s silver bangs fell over his eyelids. 

 

...

 

“Yuuri!” Viktor shouts into the halls of Yu-topia. “Did you get all the bags?” 

 

“I’ve got them!” Yuuri calls back a little breathless. 

 

It’s been a crazy couple months to say the least. Despite how much they have texted and called through their time apart, Viktor never brought up coaching again, and Yuuri just assumed he had forgotten it. The whole conversation of the banquet never came up in any conversations... until recently. It was like the hours from after Yuuri’s exhibition to the next morning were for some reason off limits. 

 

Yuuri knows why  _ he _ never talks about it. Hearing Viktor say he wanted to be Yuuri’s coach was more than a dream come true, so the thought of bringing it up and Viktor not remembering, or worse, taking back the offer was too much. So Yuuri kept quiet. At least until Viktor mentioned he bought a plane ticket. 

 

About two months ago Viktor had called saying that now that the European Championships and Worlds were done, he was ready to move in with Yuuri to start training him. Yuuri couldn’t even react with how fast Viktor was talking. Viktor talked about how he had been paying special attention to Yakov’s coaching, how he’s already started packing, and asking what Yu-topia’s exact address was. 

 

It was hard to break it to Viktor that he still had a couple months of school left before graduation, so they would have to wait a little longer. The whole conversation seemed unreal. In the space of a twenty minute conversation, Yuuri knew his immediate future after graduation,  _ and  _ was getting the chance to move back to Japan. He thought he would have to stay in America until he retired to be able to learn from Celestino.  _ It was incredible.  _

 

In the months leading up to now, Yuuri was happier than he could remember being in a long time. With Viktor and him still talking regularly, and the knowledge Viktor would be moving in with him and his family for a undecided amount of time was thrilling. He was nervous about what his family would think, but Viktor was a people person, so it was at the bottom of Yuuri’s worry list. 

 

“That ones heavy, I’ll take it.” Viktor grabs one suitcase from Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri blushes when their hands touch. He could swear that Viktor’s been using any excuse to touch Yuuri since they met at the airport. 

 

At the Grand Prix, the touches had been about finding companionship and comfort. These touches feel different. Or maybe it’s just that Yuuri’s developed romantic feelings for Viktor. Phichit would always joke about his crush, but this is different. The Viktor he thought he knew growing up is nothing like the Viktor he’s been texting everyday for months. 

 

“Is the other Vicchan here, Yuuri?” His mother asks, appearing to help Viktor move in. 

 

Yuuri smiles, “Yeah, he’s right here. Viktor.” Yuuri gestures to him, Viktor smiling, practically glowing. No one would ever guess he just got off a long flight. “This is my Mom.” 

 

“Wonderful to meet you,” Viktor greets with a heart shaped smile. 

 

Hiroko grins and welcomes him, saying all about how Yuuri speaks of him. Yuuri has been home for a few weeks and he’s certain he’s talked his parents ears off about Viktor by now. He’s also been helping them brush up on their English so they could talk with Viktor. 

 

The sound of tiny scratches against a hardwood floor is followed by a small dog running out into the entranceway. Vicchan runs from the hallway out to say hello and greet the new guests as he always does. He makes his presence known with a loud yipp at Viktor’s feet. 

 

“And this is Vicchan,” Yuuri says, still feeling somewhat embarrassed at his dog’s name. He was so nervous the time he told Viktor that he named his dog after him, thankfully Viktor thought it was adorable. 

 

Viktor kneels and gives the pup a pat on the head. “Hello Vicchan.” 

 

His eyes look slightly faraway as Viktor says hello to Yuuri’s beloved pet. There’s a glassiness to them that Yuuri understands; Makkachin is gone, but very much not forgotten. 

 

After a couple more minutes of Vikor complimenting and loving on Vicchan, Viktor stands and approaches him, “It’s so good to see you in person, Yuuri. Months of only video chatting and text have only made me miss you more.” 

 

Yuuri blushes, feeling his heart swell. “I-uh. I’ve missed you too.”

 

He’s not sure, but he’s been thinking since the banquet that Viktor and him have been dancing around something. Something unsaid, Yuuri hopes dearly they want to say the same things to each other. 

 

Viktor moves in to hug him, and Yuuri is pleased to find his nerves absent as he wraps his arms around Viktor and holds him close. He just wishes he could hold on longer, let his heart continue to race against Viktor until he hears the unspoken words. 

 

Viktor presses his forehead against the top of Yuuri’s. “As much as I have?” Viktor says with a teasing lilt to his tone. 

 

“More than you have,” Yuuri responds with the same flirtatious inflection. 

 

Viktor’s smile is contagious. “I highly doubt that.” 

 

They hold each other close until Yuuri’s mother returns to make them aware that dinner will be ready soon, in the meantime they begin the long process of moving Viktor in. They’ve already prepared everything in the unused banquet room, so after all the boxes are in it’s not too much trouble to set the necessities up.

 

Except that Viktor definitely has a taste for the extravagant and the bed he’s brought along comes in several pieces. Yuuri can’t help but blush at every wink Viktor sends his way as they set it up. Viktor also seems to have a thing for lights, in excessive amounts. He has to retrieve an additional power strip to set it all up. 

 

By the time the banquet room is starting to look halfway like a bedroom, they head down to eat dinner. Yuuri’s a little nervous about Viktor trying Yuuri’s favorite food, but by the end of the meal it’s also Viktor’s favorite. 

 

When Yuuri watches Viktor take his last bite, he stands up to take Viktor’s dishes and head back to work in Viktor’s room. Viktor follows him quietly to the kitchen before stopping him in the doorway with a hand and gentle smile. 

 

“Let’s take a walk Yuuri.” Yuuri’s breath hitches at Viktor’s gaze. He couldn’t quite tell what Viktor was feeling, but his expression is soft. Yuuri nods and follows Viktor to the door. 

 

“Where do you want to go?” Yuuri asking pulling on his shoes and a light jacket. 

 

“I want to see all the places that are important to you.” 

 

Yuuri’s a little stunned. Viktor can say such meaningful things in the most ordinary way. “O-Okay. Um… Let start with the Ice Castle.” 

 

Yuuri opens the door for Viktor when he’s done tying his shoes and they head out. The evening air is a good temperature and the sun setting is the perfect lighting. Viktor glows during sunset. It makes Yuuri’s heart beat faster just looking at him. When Viktor catches Yuuri’s eye, he grins and takes Yuuri’s hand in his own. Yuuri looks down at their joined hands and again thinks about Viktor’s casual way of doing things that mean so much to Yuuri. He squeezes the hand in his and tries to keep his eyes forward. 

 

“Wow! What a lovely beach!” Viktor slows and drags Yuuri over to the guardrail separating them from the beach. It is a beautiful view, but Yuuri would honestly rather look at Viktor.  _ How cheesy _ . Viktor’s blue eyes sparkle, and his hair gently sways in the breeze. Seeing him like this, it’s hard to believe they meet because Viktor was desperately heart broken. 

 

“Did you come here often?” Viktor asks softly, eyes not leaving the scene before him. 

 

“Yeah. A lot of the time after skating practice I’d run home on the sand.” 

 

Viktor hums and bends down to pick up a sea shell that was probably dropped by some child. “It reminds me of St. Petersburg.” Yuuri’s heart sinks a little at the words. Is Viktor homesick already? Is he not planning on staying? “I used to really like the beach near my apartment. However that was before it turned into a place where I’d feel lonely surrounded by people.” Viktor turns to smile a little at Yuuri. “I like this beach better.” Viktor takes Yuuri’s other hand is his free one, and kisses the knuckles of each hand. 

 

Yuuri doesn't know what to say. Viktor  _ wants _ to be here, and Yuuri wants him here too. It all seems a little too easy. Yuuri squeezes Viktor’s hands before letting one go and leading him towards the steps to the beach. When they get to the bottom they both un-tie and take off their shoes promptly. It is a perfect day to walk on the beach. 

 

Yuuri takes a second to breath in the salty breeze and wiggle his toes in the sand. He’s done this before in the couple weeks he’s been back, but something about being here with Viktor for the first time makes Yuuri want to remember every detail of the moment. 

 

When Viktor takes his hand again Yuuri opens his eyes looks to him and smiles. Viktor looks… content. Yuuri knows Viktor still struggles sometimes with loneliness and loss, but that over the last months he’s gotten stronger. At one point he even mentioned to Yuuri he went and saw a counselor to help get him back on track. 

 

“We should bring lunch down here tomorrow,” Viktor sighs. “It’s so relaxing here. I can’t believe how few people there are at such a beautiful time of day too!” 

 

“It’s busier right after school hours,” Yuuri hums. “And that sounds nice. I’ll ask mom if she can pack us a bento.” 

 

Yuuri tugs to get Viktor to follow him along the sand. As they walk, Yuuri explains what a typical bento is, and some other cultural facts. Viktor returns the favor with insight into Viktor’s cultural habits. Even after all the articles and interviews Yuuri’s read and watched about Viktor, it still never ceases to amazing him how much more there is to Viktor. How you can think you know everything about someone and be so wrong. 

 

They talk and hold hands the rest of the night. Only stopping when Yuuri shows Viktor around Ice Castle (Yuuri had warned Yukko that Viktor and him would be coming at some point and to  _ please  _ not embarrass him), his high school, and the various parks and favorite restaurants. Viktor treated each new stop with the reverence of a tourist seeing the Taj Mahal. It made Yuuri blush and feel comfortable enough to share personal stories about each spot.

 

“It’s no wonder you missed it here! This town is so peaceful and lovely!” Viktor’s wide heart shaped smile makes Yuuri’s heart warm. 

 

“It was nice to grow up here. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but the ones I had were worth it. It’s also a small town so everyone really knows each other which let me do a lot of things I would never been able to do. I never had to pay to skate at Ice Castle, until I got a coach, but even then it was only the coaching fee. And my mom is friends with the owner of the bakery we passed by, so on my way home from school, I could get free melon bread.” Yuuri stopped before he could give more examples, suddenly looking at their moving feet, feeling insecure about how plain and poor he sounds. 

 

Yuuri’s insecurities vanish when Viktor’s only response is to smile brightly and ‘wish he could have seen how cute Yuuri was as a kid’.  _ He should have known better than to worry. _ In all his months of knowing Viktor, Yuuri has never once experienced Viktor being anything other than kind and  _ real  _ with him. 

 

He may sometimes feel insecure next to Viktor, but never because of anything Viktor had ever said or done. Simply because the more Yuuri learns, the more he realizes that Viktor is flawed, loud, sometimes vain, and  _ absolutely perfect.  _

 

“That’s about everything to show you in a walking distance,” Yuuri says, frowning in concentration as he tries to think of anything he missed. He hadn’t taken Viktor to Minako’s studio yet, but he has a reason for that. Yukko may hold back when Yuuri specifically asks not to embarrass him, but he would rather not have his memory of Viktor’s first day here marred by the mortification that would come from Viktor and Minako meeting. 

 

“Then I guess tomorrow we can do the extended tour!” 

 

“Well there’s not much I did outside of walking distance,” Yuuri says hesitating. “I don’t want your first couple days here being ruined from sheer boredom.”

 

Viktor hums and narrows his eyes at Yuuri. “Is there something you’re hiding?” 

 

At Viktor’s expression Yuuri laughs and pushes Viktor’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to show you the whole town already! Then there will be nothing to look forward to,” Yuuri jokes. 

 

“Mark my words Yuuri! I’ll get to every landmark of your childhood one way or another!” Viktor hugs Yuuri until Yuuri can’t help laughing, and then proceeds to spin him until he’s dizzy, holding onto Viktors shoulder when they finally stop to catch their breath. 

 

The sun has set, and the street lights are backlighting Viktor, giving him a halo. In that moment it really hits Yuuri that Viktor is  _ here _ . Viktor is in his home town, walking the same streets Yuuri walked everyday of his young life. The same streets that Yuuri dreamed of walking with Viktor as he jogged home with a bounce in his step and a new poster. 

 

Viktor’s so unexpected in every way possible, he is the best kind of surprise. He never expected to make such a dear friend in Viktor when they met, and now Viktor’s smile makes his heart ache with a longing Yuuri has never felt before. 

 

He looks up and catches the light in Viktor’s eyes, eyes that look at him with a fondness that keeps him awake at night. A feeling rises in his chest, one he recognizes, its the most obvious thing in the world.  

 

“I love you.” Yuuri blurts out. 

 

Viktors mouth falls open, and for a moment everything freezes. Fear makes Yuuri’s grip on Viktors shoulders tighten.  _ Why isn’t he saying anything?! _

 

The feeling came on so strong, so abruptly, the words just spilled out. His face feels so hot, the feeling of love in his chest now has dipped into blind panic. Are his words too strong? Viktor has given him a certain confidence, he knows Viktor’s likes him in that way, but to say  _ those _ words so suddenly… Yuuri pulls away from Viktor finally to covering his burning face in shame. 

 

Yuuri’s breathing gets heavier and he starts to take a few blind steps back.  _ Everythings ruined _ , Yuuri think miserably. Who knows how long ago Yuuri said he loved Viktor, but right now if feels like forever. Viktor’s silence feels like a hammer to his heart. 

 

Yuuri starts to turn around when hands grab his own where they still cover his face. Viktor just cradles them for a moment before prying them from Yuuri’s face. Yuuri know his face is a blotchy red and tears are starting to gather. His eyes dart everywhere except for Viktor. 

 

After a couple seconds Viktor grabs his chin and steps close so Yuuri is almost forced to meet his eyes. “There you are.” The same fond eyes are there, and they settle the panic in his chest. Viktor’s eye’s are a little watery too, but he doesn't look so surprised anymore. 

 

Viktor leans in and kisses him, gentle and sweet. His lips are light, barely there, as if asking for permission. Now it’s Yuuri’s turn to be shocked. He breathes sharply against Viktors mouth before grabbing onto Viktors shoulder again for support. The feeling wipes all hesitancy from him and he leans in, returning the kiss. Viktor seems to calm, his hands resting fully on Yuuri’s face as they press in close. 

 

The kiss only lasts for a moment after that. Viktor leaning back to instead rest his forehead to Yuuri’s. 

 

“If it isn’t obvious, I love you too,” He tells Yuuri, his voice low and sweet. 

 

Yuuri’s chest constricts to the point that his affection for the man in front of him is almost painful. He throws his arms around Viktor to pull him in for another hug which Viktor returns easily. 

 

Yuuri can’t remember that last time he felt this happy. His heart racing with pure joy instead of anxiety. Yuuri smiles widely into Viktor’s neck and is thrilled when he feels Viktor doing the same, giving him little kisses going from his temple to neck along the way. 

 

“I’m sorry I scared you there for a moment. I can’t believe how bold you are Yuuuri,” Viktor teases. Yuuri laughs and nods into Viktor’s neck, trying to swallow the lump in his throat and hold back the tears in his eyes.

 

Yuuri couldn’t believe his luck. Vikor loves him too! This sweet, beautiful man who was Yuuri’s role model and idol returns Yuuri’s feelings. The need to shout with joy comes out of Yuuri in the form of laughter. Yuuri leans back to wipe a few tears and look into Viktor’s eyes. Viktor chuckles and bends slightly to give Yuuri another peck to his lips. 

 

They resume their walk with a new closeness, their hands joined tightly together, Viktor occasionally pressing kisses to his hands as they walk the beach. 

 

Tomorrow, Yuuri will show him the studio, introduce him to his friends, skate with him on the same rink. They will love him. The future is not uncertain and Viktor’s hand in his affirms they will be together for it.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fallbutwhatifyoufly: This is my first fic so I hope you guys enjoyed!!!!! I had a lot of fun writing this!! Thank you for all the comments!!! I look forward to writing more fic!!
> 
> Suzariah: Thanks guys for reading our fic!! This was a great time, hope you guys enjoyed! 
> 
>  
> 
> RIP MAKKACHIN 
> 
> GONE FOR THIS FIC, MAY HE LIVE ON IN CANON


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